Then the Clouds Parted

This has been a tough week to say the least. That last post was only about 3 hours of a day that only got worse from there. Honestly, for the past 5 months days like that are the norm. Was is not normal is me not being able to handle them and move forward. But we all have our boiling points don't we? I could not have reached mine at a more perfect time. This is the week I leave for my trip. I haven't even written about it because I haven't even had a moment to think or daydream about it. This trip represents a turning point in my journey which I will discuss as it gets closer. Coming out on the other side of a very tough week, I have made some observations.....

This morning I went for a run outside. Something I have not done for a month. It was humid, about to rain and I am beyond exhausted. I talked myself into it thinking the fresh air would be good for me. It would help clear my head and part the clouds that have been behind my eyes for so long.

I ran the route down Peachtree Road through Buckhead where I ran my very first mile, and my very first 20 miler. I have run these streets for (gasp!) 12 years. As my feet hit the familiar pavement I knew every crack and bump by heart. What was new were my surroundings. I used to run by bars like Buckhead Saloon and LuLu's Bait Shack that I had left just hours prior to my run. Those bars and their familiar smells have been replaced with wine bars and Hermes. The sadness and nostalgia for those familiar surroundings hit me hard. What hit me harder was the fact that life moves on. We are constantly changing and evolving creatures. You can stay and relive in the memories of dancing at Buckhead Saloon, or you can change with your surroundings and grow and adapt and window shop in that Hermes.

Deep thoughts, but these thoughts can be applicable to many things currently going on in my life:

1) The Body: We constantly need to re-evaluate where we are and where we want to be. I have tried lots of programs and plans. Most of them have worked for me at the time despite their differences. It just depends on where you are and what your goal is.

My goal for the past 5 months was to stay sane and get 20 mins/day for myself. The goal now will be weight loss. I need to change. I cannot just keep doing what is familiar (running) and easy (20 mins) for my body. As I get stronger, fitter and lighter, I need to make new challenges.

2) The Mind: I realized this week that relaxation, meditation and yoga are all my form of a 'diet'. I always say "I'll start doing it on Monday." I never do. This trip is usually a finishing step for my transformation. I was not physically or mentally prepared for this trip before this week. I didn't plan that, I planned the trip on the only day I could get someone to watch my kids, but funny how things work out. I find myself saying "after my trip, I will take the time to focus on the mental aspect."

I decided not to wait. Part of my transformation to my best life includes yoga, being aware of your surroundings, learning how to relax, being closer to loved ones, opening your eyes and making the most of each day instead of letting the days just happen to you.

It's hard to do this when your head is clouded from your day to day tasks. What fun is raising a family and having someone you love next to you if you are not going to take the time to appreciate it?

I did some yoga today. Not at all like I hope to add as part of my regimen, but it's a start.

3) The Diet: A plateau is not a bad thing. A plateau means you have made lifestyle changes and are not just 'dieting'. If you were just dieting that scale would go up and down on a regular basis. (b/c haven't we learned by now diets don't work). I am proud of a plateau. As long as the scale doesn't go up, who cares if it goes down?

Well.... I need it to go down a little more. I have enough wiggle room in my diet that I can clean it up a little more without having to count calories. Yet. Remember, I said I will not count macros every again, but calories do have a place. A big place.

Calories In < Calories Out = Weight Loss

That is how you lose weight. So simple everyone is so skinny and fit right?

I will eventually need to count calories, to re-establish portion sizes and control. Not yet. But it's coming. For right now I will tweak with getting better balanced meals, cutting out some sweets and making smarter choices a bigger percentage of the time.

We must keep evolving.

As I ran through Buckhead this morning I realized I could wish for the time I had before, wish for the flexibility I had before and wish for the recovery time I had before. Or I could adapt to my changing surroundings of having two kids and figure out how to live my best life at this present moment.

Good run.