You Know You're Tired When...

..you are too tired to go to meditation class.

I am in my utopia. This is no ordinary vacation. This would not be considered an induldgent treat to some, but to me, it is pure heaven. I would love to write the background, the essence, the meaning for me behind this trip, but I am too tired. Instead I will describe my day and it will be obious why I come here to finish one chapter and begin the new one.

Upon arrival at 10 am, I sit am a handed a tote bag with the best reusable water bottle ever. I am handed a cup of flavored, non caffinated, sugar free tea. I am shown to my room. Clean, crisp lines with natural wood and blue tiles that make me think of the ocean. The ocean that is right outside my window. A fully functional kitchen, living room, bedroom and bath the size of my son's playroom with a vanity. My playroom for the next 3 days. Although a vanity is really unnecessary considering this is a place where makeup is a waste of luggage space.

This is not a frilly, overdecorated, stuffy kind of room. It is not the Ritz. That is why I love it so much. Although still comfortable, this room (this hotel) means business. While the rock gardens, fountains and outdoor seated areas are gorgous, they are meant to be enjoyed while in your workout clothes. They have a no children and no cell phone rule. Exactly why I come here.

I head to the pool that overlooks the ocean in my new white bikini. My thoughts when packing it where "who cares, I don't know anyone there." But I must admit I felt great in it. After making sure my stomach had plenty of sunscreen applied (since it had not seen sunlight for 1 1/2 years), I order lunch. The menu is a clean eating, calorie conscious, gluten free person's dream. Next to each item is the calories/fat/carb/protein breakdown. When they tell you the specials, they tell you in calories, not dollar amounts. Heaven for someone who is looking to reaquiant their eyeballs for what a healthy portion means.

After a very hard and long day yesterday, and a very long morning of travel, I opt for the mango mojito and fish tostada with a side of fruit. Everything in the drink is organic and natrually sweetened and the tostada is a huge portion (for 200 calories). It's amazing what 200 calories looks like when it is all fresh herbs, fish, fruits and veggies. I took a picture-it was beautiful.

The water was perfect but after only being away for a couple hours I still had to try hard to get out of mommy mode. It took me a while to realize I could jump in the pool and get my hair wet because I was able to shower whenever I wanted. What a concept. After lounging by the pool and admittedly getting too tired to continue, I head upstairs for a nap. A nap that is interrupted by the housekeeping because I had requested the batteries in my scale be replaced. Yes, in this place you want to weigh yourself AFTER the vacation.

I head to the gym for my 20 minute run. I try. I am overlooking the ocean on the treadmill, I have my great song, I have my red bull (bought at Publix, they would never sell such blasphamy here). I couldn't do it. I finally just got so tired I couldn't even go one more step. So I head out to the grassy area overlooking the ocean and do yoga. Listening to my new favorite girl power song "Just the way you are" over and over.

Then shower. Then manicure and pedicure. Then more wonderful tea. Pure indulgent heaven right there.

Head to dinner only to find out I am too early for them to start serving. Go ahead and make me feel like an early bird senior why don't you? I head to the gift store to browse the fancy dark chocolate bars, crystals and books on healing, meditaion and health.

Then dinner....Although my goal is to teach my body how to be content with meals at about 500 calories or less...I could not help myself. Gluten free bread to start (really!), a glass of wine, devils on horseback (dates filled with goat cheese wrapped in bacon), diver scallops over a corn risotto. Then...dessert...a gluten free cranberry cookie with vanilla ice cream. Now, the portions are small (the ice cream was the size of a melon ball scoop) but I am stuffed and don't plan to go all out for the rest of my trip.

Stuffed and tired. It is now 7:42 pm and I am about to retire for the night. My 3 year old is still up. I hope tomorrow to have a renewed sense of energy to enjoy some of the 30 classes a day that they offer.

If not, that's okay too. If I just sleep for the next 3 days I think this vacation will already be classified as a success.

It's weird being here by myself. Completely necessary but weird. I miss my husband dearly. Yes, I guess the kids too because that's what I am supposed to say, but I really miss my husband.

I guess that is what he would consider success.