Good Morning Mornings

I have begun waking in the mornings to workout. Finally all the stars aligned and it's possible for me to return to my favorite way to start the day. Wake up at 5, get some email time in, head to the gym while listening to morning radio and get my sweat on before the sun comes up. I come back ready to face the day and stay 5 minutes ahead of the "Mommy's!" and the "I needs".

I didn't do it today, because I had planned to work out with my trainer at 11:30. Lesson learned. Add sleeping in with a sick nanny and I felt like I was one step behind all day. Turned out to be a good day despite this but my mind was still in a cloud. Some fresh made chocolate chip cookies (a project for my son and I while baby took her morning nap) comprised my preworkout snack.

Although I only had 45 minutes because I had to feed a baby in the gym nursery before my trainer, I still had a great workout. Motivated and strong. I think it helped that I finally was working out with someone who lifted a little lighter than me. I felt strong and fit and worthy to be working out in the weight room. Maybe next time I'll even start wearing my weight lifting gloves.

After missing today, I am more excited than ever to return to my mornings. I learned my lesson and am thrilled to return to a routine that I have missed for over a year.

* I am also thinking it's time for the abs post. I had to wait and make sure that what I was doing would really work. I'll take pictures and lay out the routine.

I'm There

I thought I was, I tried to tell myself I was, but I wasn't.

In this progression the key to changing bad habits or 'failing' or 'falling off the wagon' is to never force yourself into doing something before you are mentally ready. I never have seen someone go from Quarter Pounder to Low Sodium Lean Meats cold turkey and have it stick.

I do and always will believe that the key to maintainable weight loss is moderation. This is such a hard concept to physically follow. By approaching weight loss in the manner that I do after such a huge gain, I feel like I can finally achieve this in my life.

The recap can be seen in my STAGES page specifically, but big picture:

* Begin eating 1/2 portion sizes of your normal meals.

*Cut soda from 3/day to 1/day. (real soda, stay away from diet)

*50% of the time when eating out chose grilled chicken salad with cheese and dressing.

*Begin eating at home more.

*Begin replacing chips with nuts and fruits.

*At home, start decreasing the amounts of oils, fats and salt you use.

*75% of the time when eating out chose lean meats, carb and veggies.

*Begin to cut out the processed foods.

*90% of time when eating out make smart choices, pass up on cake and dessert.

*Continue to treat yourself to things that are really worth it and you can't get everyday.

*Weigh your food (not measure). Begin to learn about portion sizes. Really learn, you will be shocked at how little food is actually a portion.

*Take the dressing and cheese off your grilled chicken salad.

*Pass up on hot dogs, burgers and cake if you don't really really don't want them. Eat them when you do. But think twice before you make that decision.

And here is where I am now....

I did begin to weigh some food on a food scale. Measuring is not accurate at all but I do use this method for some items for ease and because I really don't care that much right now. I did not do this in order to count calories and have a set number I wanted to achieve in a day. I still have an infant and 3 year old in the house, who has time?

I did it in order to readjust my eyes to what a real portion size is. I have a very distorted view that 3 tacos, 1 bowl of cheese dip and 80 chips is a 'portion' of dinner. I did it for a short time, just to get an idea. I also needed an idea of how much I was eating in case I plateau and need a starting point in which to cut back upon. Again, I am not counting or cycling or planning. I am just learning.

I also began to see a shift in my mentality this week. With my renewed sense of energy and love of life again, I am really not wanting to undo all my gym time. I have limited precious minutes in the gym. I love a cookie, but not enough to eat them all day (except for that one day) and cover up all my hard work.

This has been my problem in the past. I would run 20 miles on a Saturday morning then eat so poorly I looked like I never worked out a day in my life. I always had the knowledge of how to look good, just never the will.

Now, I want to look like I am working hard because I am. To tears most days.

Anyone could stop at any stage of what I have done and live a healthier better life. My goal was to take it as far as I could go-to a balance of a diet free of processed foods and rich in vitamins and minerals and workouts for the mind, body and soul. I thought I was ready after my trip but I wasn't.

Now I am and here is how I know.

This week we had a pool party to attend. For the past 62 lbs I have eaten the hot dog and chips but eaten such small meals or made smarter choices during the day that it has not mattered or interfered with my weight loss. This past party I chose, because I wanted to, to eat at home my chicken and veggies. I would've eaten a hot dog if I wanted, but I didn't. It's that subtle difference of telling yourself you can't have something and not wanting something for yourself.

Took my kids to McDonalds to play and eat while my husband was out for the night. Past 62 lbs: cheeseburger (no bun), small fries and coke. Tonight, I didn't want to feel bloated and gross and didn't want it. So grilled chicken and yogurt parfait it was.

That's how I know. I am going there. Not worried about weight anymore. Worried about what foods are going to give me the most energy, health benefits and satisfaction. Tomorrow that may be a cookie...today it was grilled chicken and a yogurt parfait.

My new workout routine since it is time to start leaning out in conjunction with a leaner diet:

Monday: full body heavy weights with trainer

Tuesday: interval cardio

Wednesday: yoga, interval cardio

Thursday: full body heavy weights with trainer

Friday: interval cardio

Saturday: full body fast twitch class (weights)

Sunday: outdoor SS run

It is time to decrease the SS cardio, although, how do you decrease it from 20 mins? But I must begin higher intensity intervals. Here is a great explanation, although I consider mine to be 30-45 seconds. http://www.dashingdish.com/2010/09/the-benefits-of-interval-training/

The weights are doing a great job but now I must shed that last layer of fat (the skin is not going anywhere I am afraid....). This is how to do it.

Updated pics soon, computer issues have made blogging and pictures a chore.

Welcome Back

Came back from my trip and fell right back into life. No yoga, no egg white omelets and blueberries, no balance between reading, resting, organizing and just breathing. I still wasn't eating cookies all day (okay, I did one day), but fell right back into the trap of burning the candle at both ends. I wish I could say the trip made it almost okay, but honestly, the worst was yet to come.

My body started just telling me enough, you can only go at such a pace for so long. I got sick, I got tired, I hurt my neck trying to get a 20 lb baby in a carrier into the car. Birthday parties and family outings were scheduled of what seemed like every moment of our days. Innocuous enough, but put together with trying to take care of two children put me so close to a panic attack on a regular basis. Add that to the end of the summer blues where my kids and I were so sick of looking at only each other all day that we had to call daddy home from work one day, it got ugly.

Needless to say, keeping a happy marriage is the last thing on your mind at this time and the most convenient person to take all your stress out upon is your husband. Things got ugly.

I began to question everything about my life. Not only did I really want to stay home, but why did I have kids in the first place? Did I want to stay married? This is so hard, the hardest thing I have ever done, yet hiring more help was still not the answer for me. I couldn't find a solution.

I say this in complete honesty because I hate when people just say everything is great and mask that sometimes life is just hard. I also write with honesty about how hard it got because I am sure that is the reason why I feel so wonderful now. If you don't have some bad times, you never really appreciate the good.

And then things got good. Really really good.

A couple things happened at the same time that turned the tide.

My son went back to school. Not just going to school, I get to drop him off in carpool. When you have a 20 lb child to get in and out of the car just to drop off and pick up your son at school for 3 hours, this is a huge huge wonderful convenience. She takes her morning nap, I drop him off without leaving the car, and I've started trying to find reasons to stop at Starbucks. We have structure, we have plans, we have lunches to pack and places to be and I love every minute of it.

My daughter started sitting up. This means I get to take her to the grocery store and sit in a cart, she can spit up and burp herself, and keep herself entertained while I do things around the house. She is so fun and lovely and joyful. I think I'll keep her after all.

My husband and I have really communicated and worked on our marriage. Date nights where I am getting dressed up, having wine and just enjoying being us again. I truly feel that we are making our marriage so strong by getting through these tough times instead of just 'being'.

I fit into my old jeans. Let's face it, that's what this blog is about. I feel amazing. I had lost motivation because I was so close to my goal yet so far from having the lifestyle to allow me to eat better and exercise with more structure.

I have been keeping a daily journal of diet and exercise and may start doing it here. I lost the drive but I didn't gain any weight during this time. I just kept doing what I was doing.

Since I have returned from the depths of the earth, I am ready now to take on a new step and challenge. I am not pressuring myself because I still find myself trying to do this at 6 months whereas I did it at one year with my first child.

I started with a big trip to the grocery store. Buying fresh fruits and veggies, organic, natural snacks for the kids and lean meats. With this little face leading the way.

**note: I've added a daily log and stages page to help me keep track****