Everybody Loves a Baby

Everybody ahhs and ooohs, coos and lovingly looks at a baby. Strangers just see the pink covered car seat and give me a smile. If everyone loves a baby so much, why have I been crying all day because of her?

Today was a particularly tough day. The day actually started at 1:30 am last night. She is still 8 weeks old, we have had many good days, but today, today was tough. There was no morning exercise to be done. There was barely a bite of food to be had (other than a frantic bite at McDonalds). By 6:00 pm I decided that needed to change, no matter how desperate and miserable and hungry I was.

Truthfully, I just needed to walk to get my baby asleep. She had been awake all day and I this was my last effort to get her to nap. (I am a nazi when it comes to my children's sleeping). So, despite being in a hunger, sleep deprived coma with tears flowing at every turn, I packed up.

No doubt this blog is about weight loss. My weight at the top of the post keeps me going and excited. However, with an 8 week old, I have nothing to prove. I really don't care what I weigh. I really don't care what others think of my weight. I am not walking down a Victoria Secret runway (and never will) 2 months after birth like some. Weight loss is not my primary goal right now and if that hasn't come across before now, let me clarify.

As I begin my journey around my daily route I am stressed, teary eyed and can barely think or speak. Instead of my usual Akon or Ludacris that has pumped me up during my workouts, I chose my more mellow playlist of Sophie B. Hawkins and Dido. All of a sudden something happens. I begin to, well, breathe.

I slow down, and breathe.

With my first breath I look down and notice my child asleep for the first time all day. A heavenly sight beyond words. As I continue to breathe I start to notice the golden hue that the setting sun is casting upon the golf course and park. I notice the hundreds of children playing baseball and the parents cheering them on. I notice the crisp air and cool breeze. Another breath and I notice those people smiling, and I actually smile back.

With each slow and steady step comes the realization that--as quickly and easily as a good day turns bad, a bad day can turn good.

And I breathe.

And that my friends, is why I am exercising right now. That is why I continue to force myself to get my 30 mins in or my daily walk. Because now, the purpose is to remind me to breathe.

Joggling

Weight: 145!!! (I'm calling the dermatologist!)

Weight Lost To Date: 41 lbs (using the 39 week weight)

Workout:

3 mile run outside. Plan C.

Once I had gotten to the gym, I realized I had forgotten my pee pee pads and headphones. On Mondays and Wednesdays I have a little more flexibility since I have a nanny from 8am-1pm so I can go to work for 2 hours. Since I didn't practice what I preached yet, and make an emergency bag, I headed back home (another benefit to living so close to a gym) and ran from home.

Running outside is another beast. Without the treadmill to keep my legs moving it's way harder, not that it wasn't hard enough on the treadmill. With the sun shining, my music pumping and head clearing, I pressed on. I never was one to jog in place at the stop lights. I always thought it looked ridiculous. I never was one to be bent over sucking in air for dear life like today either, looks be damned I guess...

There should be t-shirts made. T-shirts that say-

1) "I just lost 40 lbs, I can eat this chocolate and not feel guilty" (as I walk in the mall and eat my daily Lindt Truffles)

2) "I have an 8 week old at home" (as I leave the gym after 20 mins)

3) "It's a miracle I'm even out here" (as I joggle along the streets. Joggle is the word I call it when I am running but it's not the smooth gliding of a pro-it's the driving on 4 flat tires of a beginner)

I wish there were t-shirts.

The Plan

Since I felt good so soon this pregnancy (a far cry from the last time), I am finding my thoughts are getting ahead of me. I am finding myself wondering if I should be tweaking my diet now, I am looking into the weight room with longing, I am trying to fit my favorite circuit class into baby girl's schedule.

But I must hold back. There is a method to the madness that must be taken into consideration with a newborn. This can apply to someone who is just beginning or has a lot of weight to lose, but with a newborn, this is a must.

I must not worry about diet until she is on a routine and sleeping through the night. I cannot plan to make chicken or even think ahead to defrost chicken while I am just trying to get her to eat and sleep. Grabbing food is a second thought. I still believe in never skipping a meal. This seems impossible sometimes so on my counter, in plain sight, is my protein powder. If it's been too long and it looks like I am unable to get some food in me, a quick scoop and chug and it keeps me going until food is an option.

I know what those people in the weight room are thinking. Get off the cardio machines and lift some iron! I know because I think that too. When I am on the other side, I see girls spending hours in the cardio room looking skinny fat or flabby. I want to scream at them- "Get in the weight room - it will change your bodies!" But- I must not worry about weights right now. Somedays 20 mins is the max gym time allowed. When you need to sweat, increase endurance and just enjoy the endorphins, cardio is the quickest way.

Don't plan a class with an 8 week old. At this stage being regular at anything is impossible. I have no idea what the day will bring with baby girl. I am a schedule nazi for my children but until that schedule is developed, I will work around them, not make them work around me and a class I might want to take. More about this Fast Twitch class later.

So, take it slow. Don't rush and try to get to the end result all in one week. The process works. It is a lifestyle change instead of just a quick weight loss fix.

The diet will slowly become healthier as sleep and time get more plentiful.

The weights will be added when there is 45 mins 3x/week to devote.

A trainer or class will be incorporated when a schedule is developed.

Now...the fun plan. Being active, setting a good example for my son, and enjoying a healthy lifestyle is reward enough. HOWEVER. It is fun to set some goals. Considering this is what I leave the house looking like right now:

And yes, I leave the house looking like this. All day!

Remember, the goal of this blog is not just to lose weight, but to show that mom's can take care of themselves and live their best lives even after kids! Here are mine:

145 lbs: Begin my glycolic peels at dermatologist

140 lbs: Begin Fast Twitch classes (if baby girls schedule allows it)

135 lbs: Trip to Canyon Ranch!!!

130 lbs: Christian Louboutin nude peeptoe heels. Totally impractical. Totally indulgent and totally visited every time I am walking the malls in my sweats trying to get baby girl to sleep.

120 lbs: New wardrobe with personal shopper's help.

What will yours be? How will you treat yourself by reaching milestones, accomplishing goals and taking care of yourself? How will you take the steps to get out of the sweats and show the world that just because we are moms we don't have to dress like them?

Plan B (and sometimes C, D and E)

Weight: 146 lbs!

Workout: 30 min run @ 6.0 mph

Abs at home in playroom with son: dead bug, plank, rope climb

This week I could've found many excuses to skip my workout, besides the obvious. Forgotten headphones that required a drive back home, forgotten second sports bra, rain, family photo shoot scheduled.

All of these could've been a great excuse to not go to the gym.

But I did.

Returned for the headphones, held my boobs for the first 5 mins of the run, went to the gym at 7am instead of going for my walk with kids, and broke a sweat before pictures despite knowing I would not be able to wash my hair.

Make no excuses. Anyone can find an excuse to bail on exercise. We are all busy, we all have our crap, we can all make excuses. But if you commit to only 30 mins a day, you better be pretty damn important if you can't even fit that in.

My action plan to avoid finding excuses:

1) My gym is so convenient. It takes me 5 mins to get there at 5 am. It is in the mall so I can run errands, get lunch and make a quick stop at the gym all while getting the baby out of the car only once. I can turn around and grab my headphones and not lose too much valuable time. I can go for 30 mins like this morning and still be home in time for my husband to go at 8am. It also opens at 5 am during the week and 7 am on weekends. Early hours are a must.

2) Always have a gym with childcare. Have a good jog stroller.

3) Pack a bag. From now on I will have a bag in my car with extra poise pads, headphones, redbull, sports bras, ponytail holders-anything that would stop me from working out if I forgot it. I live in my workout clothes still right now so I won't ever forget my sneakers!

4) Clean hair be damned. This morning I had a photo shoot with the family. My hair was clean from yesterday but rain changed my workout plans. Plan B was to hurry to the gym after getting baby back down and before the others woke up. Remember, I sweat. And sweat I did. All over that clean hair. But who cares? I had a glow for the pictures that only a great workout and a sense of accomplishment can provide.

Let 'em See You Sweat

Weight: 147 lbs!

Workout:

30 min run! 20 mins@6.0 mph/10 mins@6.5 mph

Hilly walk in afternoon with kids

Dead bug, rope climb, yoga stretches, plank on bosu with alternating knees, push ups on bosu 2x6

3 mini victories today:

1) 30 mins on tm! This is my new minimum

2) Was able to fit my arm band for my iPhone workout band around my arm! (didn't fit around my bicep when I was pregnant)

3) Was able to lay straight back down from sitting. Prior to today I had to roll to my side b/c my abs were so weak.

Diet:

Turkey sausage, zone bar, hot dog and mac and cheese with coke, 3 hour old cold waffle fries, couple bites of chicken salad, couple M&M's (there is and always will be daily chocolate).

I am thrilled to be where I am right now. Not in terms of weight but of energy and physical ability. I smiled the entire time I was on the treadmill today. The key for me is to not push myself past what I feel is healthy but to appreciate what my body can do. I have been able to take it further today b/c I just felt good. Now that I know I can do it, that is my new minimum. There are two rules for my weight loss at this stage:

1) SWEAT. Lucky for me it doesn't take much right now. I sweat within the first 2 mins of a workout. But as my body gets stronger, it will take more to make me sweat. I must sweat at every workout. Otherwise, why bother? Talking on the phone or reading a magazine for 2 hours while walking on the tm is a waste of time. I would rather focus, sweat for 20 mins and make it count. You cannot lose weight unless you learn to let 'em see you sweat.

2) CONSISTENCY. You cannot lose weight if you are 'good' for a week, then take a week off. 'Good' for 2 days, take 3 days off. At this stage I must do something every day. I must go for my walk or get on the TM everyday. Currently, the duration is so short that I can do this without hurting myself. As the intensity and duration changes I will adjust the schedule. But for now, everyday. UNLESS.... you need to learn to listen to your body. There is a difference between sleep deprived, tired, emotionally drained and downright exhaustion and unhealthy. 90% of the time I feel the former. But when I feel the later you better believe I listen to my body and rest. If you don't feel better after your workout than you did prior to it, then it's time to take a break.

Sweat and consistency. That is all that matters in this stage.

Tears on the Treadmill

My intent of this blog was to document the good, the bad, and the ugly of getting back into shape after giving birth. The trials are so unique and more complicated than any other time in our lives. As I started writing, however, I realized that the ugly is just too ugly and some things are better left unsaid. I have left a lot out of what I have gone through in the past couple weeks. But today I realized if no one ever talks about it then we all feel like we are alone. And we are so not alone are we ladies?

Like today for instance. Day started out (or actually it's all just a continuation of the night if you are awake at 3:30 am right?) with a fight with my husband. Without details, let's just say it's a sleep deprived, hormonal driven, my-life-is-harder-than-yours moment. And we haven't had many since transitioning from one to two children. That has actually been an easy step. Until today.

Then add to that the ugly (warning: it's ugly). Having a period after 11 months is no joke. Add to that the fact that tampons just don't fit like they used to and I have to choose between my bladder control pads and huge "I'm 13 years old again" pads. Really, I don't get to choose between red or white wine? It's which pad is better at the time?

Add to that the mommy guilt of leaving my 7 week old in the gym nursery for the first time. She was screaming when I left. The internal dialog for the first 5 mins on the tm went something like this:

"I can't believe I left her but how am I supposed to get through this day if I don't get my 20 mins, I will be a better mommy today if I run but I should really get her and I cannot believe my husband said that I'll show him how easy it is I'll go to a hotel tonight this pad is rubbing my thighs did I put the right pad on *ahhchoo* I guess I'll find out my boobs are hurting I am done breast feeding this sucks but I'll feel so guilty I can't believe I left her I better go No get to my 20:00 then go I'll feel better for it"

Then the tears. Can't just get on a TM and go anymore can we?

WORKOUT:

20 min run @6.0 mph (yes I stayed on)

later after checking on baby: dead bug (head down b/c neck still hurts), lunges with glide disk 1x12, plank position on bosu-alternating knees, push ups on bosu 2x5.

Any core and strengthening I am doing is geared to keeping my back and hips strong and safe when I do my cardio. I need the foundation to continue cardio which is my primary concern right now. This, as mentioned before, will change.

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty...

Then I look at the pictures the next day.

Really though, we went to a black tie wedding this weekend. Packed up the kids and my parents and a lot of Spanx and headed to Charleston, SC. I made sure I got my walk in before we left Friday morning with both kids in the jogger for some extra weight. On Saturday, despite complete fatigue both physically and mentally from being in the same hotel room with 2 young children, I had a kid free opportunity during their nap time. Not one to waste a moment of time, I headed down to their 'gym'. After a slow start of getting off for many bathroom breaks, to check on the children and to get some water- I actually had a breakthrough. I ran for 20 mins straight on the TM. The bar has been raised. Now that I know I can do it, that is my minimum. Anyone can, at anytime, find 20 mins in their day to sweat. I also did push ups on my knees, planks on my toes 2 x 20 seconds, rope climbs, dead bug and squats.

Of course I felt better after the workout, so I went with my 'maybe' dress. It was a dress that I wore when I was 8 weeks pregnant. (and already huge). Actually putting on makeup and doubling up on the Spanx made me feel like a new woman. I felt so pretty and this was confirmed by my husband many times throughout the night. I even got out on the dance floor in all my glory.

Then I looked at the pictures the next morning. Hmmm... not as svelte as I felt. Still loved that I felt great about myself, but I had to laugh. The image in my head was not at all what I saw in the pictures. When I told my husband this, he just smiled like the wonderful husband he is. And never said a word, like the wonderful husband he is. I want to remember this night. And look back someday and laugh.

Exercise is My Drug

First off, the good news...I hit the 140's! 149 lbs but the 4 is there! 37 lbs in 6 weeks. Yeah, most people don't gain 37 lbs their entire pregnancy and I still have 29 lbs to go. Whatever.

Since the timing didn't work out to get the gym this morning, the day started with me yelling at my husband, a coke and just being grumpy. Come 12:00 and here's where those darn choices come in-meet a friend for lunch, rush home to save the nanny b/c she is still getting her feet wet having the two kids at once, or head to they gym for my obligatory 20 mins/day.

Red Bull and off to the gym. It is a struggle. No bone in my body wanted this. The dread came over me. But...I knew if I could just get my 20 mins in I would feel better the rest of the day, that is what I kept telling myself. Exercise (and a red bull) perks me up and allows me to see the world in a different light.

And so proud I did. B/c this was the best run yet. Despite it being time to pump, despite the mommy guilt of really needing to be home, I had the best run to date. 15 mins straight without a 'tying the shoe, sip of water, stretch' break on the side of the TM. When the timer hit 20:00, I hopped off and ran home declaring victory.

Choices

Our days are filled with them. The choices we make lead us down a path of success or failure. Not just failure but more poor choices. Like that nutrigrain commercial. Today could've been a very different story...

Choice #1: 5 am just finished feeding baby. A) go back to bed B) go to the gym (I actually chose A originally but baby woke again 5 mins later and made the decision for me. Too late to go back to bed by the time I got her back down)

Choice#2: 8 mins into my run I get a text that both children are awake at 6am. A) run home B) finish 12 minutes without stopping b/c I knew it might be all I get today

Choice#3: 10 am, baby just got to sleep after joining me at a doctors appt. A) Go home, pump, risk waking her, snack on M&M's and coke B) grab a redbull go for my hilly walk and keep baby asleep for another hour.

Choice#4: Halfway through walk. A) Start feeling sorry for myself, tired, wondering if anyone can appreciate how crazy life is right now. B) look down at the perfect little face asleep in the stroller, say my thanks for a healthy family and the strength to walk, enjoy the sunshine and fresh air and stop and text my husband "I love you".

And because of that first decision, my day went a lot different than it could've.

Workout:

20 mins on TM: 5 min walk, 15 min run @6.0 mph with min rest breaks!

Hilly walk with double jogger

While kids ate breakfast: knee grabs (head up), rope climb, dead bug (head down)

Met with the aesthetician today to begin a plan for my reinvention. Or just to look better.

Will start with a glycolic wash at night. As soon as I am done breast feeding I will set up a series of 3 chemical peels to help with the mommy mask. I will take before and after pics! I have started Latisse 4 weeks ago, should be another 4 until I can really see results.

We Do More Before 6am....

...than most people do all day. I promise this blog will not be a step by step of my day. Really, I don't want to recant it and you don't want to read it. But I must post this one day so I can look back and realize how hard I worked and how much easier life will eventually get. It will get easier right???

Toddler up at 12:45 am. Baby up from 1-2:30, baby up from 5-6 am. 5:30 am: pump with baby in bouncy seat to soothe back to sleep after feeding and burping, 5:45 am: get dressed in dark, 2 sports bras, pads on everything, concealer for huge circles. 6 am: red bull, drive half asleep to gym. Sit in gym parking lot for a little too long.... 6-6:20 am: TM run, 5 min warm up. It's too early to not warm up longer than a couple minutes. 6:21 am: run to car which I parked just a little farther away than I had to so I could get one more minute of 'cool down' time. Cherish the 8 minutes of morning radio. 6:30 am: empty dishwasher, fold clothes, pick up house, get bottles ready, shower, dress and makeup (I actually have to work today so I do have to put on makeup. Still go to work in my workout clothes though). 7:15 am: Everyone up and game on!

And I loved every minute of it.

Also got our walk in, as a family. We realized it's a great (only) way to get a conversation in with my husband.

What a Difference a Size 12 Makes

So my bad attitude on Saturday turned around rather quickly. The reason I claimed I had stalled out and was slightly discouraged was b/c I had thought I tried on a pair of pants I wore 6 weeks after my first child was born. They didn't even fit over my thighs. I know...2nd kid, gained 70 lbs, only 6 weeks. I get it. Well, turns out I tried on the wrong pair of pants!! I realized it and sucked in my loose belly skin as much as I could and got those size 12's zipped! Then we celebrated with a second margarita! Bad attitude turned around just like that.

Not Enough SPANX in the World...

....could make today palatable. So many thoughts for today. And if anyone is actually reading this, you'll be along for the ride for the ups (the first post) and the downs (today).

When I say weight and body image is relative and all a mindset, I meant it. Until you go dress shopping. Next weekend we are to attend what is most likely going to be the nicest black tie wedding I will ever attend. Feeling a 'slim' 151 lbs, I head to the mall. Looking for a black tie dress is no easy feat for multiple reasons. 1) I have the baby jiggle everywhere 2) I feel way thinner than I am 3) I have not been out of maternity workout clothes for 8 months 4) I have to cover up my arms b/c post pregnancy hormones have wrecked havoc on my skin 5) I have had a mole removed from smack dab in the middle of my chest and had no idea it would look the way it looks (gross!). From size 8-12's nothing fit. So I decide to do what any smart girl would do and decide to wear a maternity dress that I already have and buy a purse. Then head to lunch.

I know I should rest. But very rare is the opportunity to get to the gym. And I so miss the gym. I don't go with my newborn until she gets her shots and I try my hardest not to run with her in the jog stroller until she can sit up unsupported. (as a PT, this is one of the rare things I feel mommy guilt about). It will get easier to go so I can be smarter about my timing but right now I have to go when I can. Today that meant at 2:45 in the afternoon on a beautiful 70 degree sunny day. I drank my red bull and sat in my car in the parking lot for a long long time. I really was struggling today.

I schlep into the gym yawning, step onto the tm and turn on my music. Hmmm...that isn't working. My legs feel like lead. Thinking about those tight dresses doesn't work, I do much better with positive thinking than depressing myself. For a moment I step to the sides, put my head down and tear up (luckily I was the only one in the cardio room). What did I do? Did I have to get so out of shape and big? This is the first time I have had this thought b/c I am so thankful for my healthy pregnancy and huge, healthy, perfect baby. As soon as the thought enters my head it leaves. My mind goes to my real motivation (that will be tomorrow's post) and I finish. Albeit 4 seconds earlier than my 20 min mark. Whatever.

Workout:

Hilly 2.5 mile walk with double jog stroller and baby (she woke up before I could do my abs and stretches at the end)

20 min on TM: 5 min warm up, 15 mins run/rest @ 6.0 mph. (lots of rests today)

Knee grabs/rope climb

Diet:

So far today I am only at 1 coke! I have reached for an extra piece of chocolate, but otherwise no mindless snacking.

Tonight I will go to mexican (our second dinner outing in 6 weeks). Instead of cheese dip, coke, cheese enchilada and 2 tacos, I plan to eat:

1 margarita and a taco.

So, I feel better (as always) after my gym visit. But plan to feel even better after my margarita!

*****footnote: just to make it clear-I was checked at 3 weeks by my OB and given clearance for exercise. I do not recommend activity until you have been cleared. I also spent 1 1/2 full weeks on my stomach resting. Which I did not do last time and prolonged my recovery period for months longer. I did not start exercising until I was off all meds, could sit without pain and was fully healed.

It's time

I recognize it is still very early but, I have stalled out. I do not have an unrealistic view of weight loss, I do not always agree with The Biggest Loser way to do it, I hate when people claim to have gained or lost lbs overnight. But....when you have so much to lose, and when you go from complete inactivity to so much, the weight usually will come off a little faster. I think this has happened for 2 reasons.

1) My level for activity has increased so quickly

2) I am homebound much more this time. After my first pregnancy I was out in the malls walking constantly all day to get my child to sleep in the stroller. I am unable to do that so I find myself at home a little more, and able to eat a little more frequently. It's not full meals but more snacks, whereas last time there was no snacking at all.

So...in order to combat this, I am going to have to change my diet a little quicker than expected. For today, or this week, the goal is to cut down to 1 soda. 1 real coke. I find myself so fatigued that I am reaching for many more than this during the day for a pick me up.

Diet goal for the week: 1 coke/day. No snacks that do not add nutritional value to my daily intake. I will still get my daily dose of chocolate. Let's not talk crazy here.

A Small Victory

Made it to the gym tonight at 6pm for my 20 mins. After an exhausting day (is there any other kind these days?) and an hour of trying to leave the house, I finally make it. Drank my red bull but still thought maybe I should just sleep in my car in the parking lot instead of walking in. But I did walk in. And glad I did. B/c today I had a small victory. After my 5 min warm up I started my run. Today at 6.0 mph. I was cloudy headed, fatigued and just not wanting to be there. But then...I turned on my new song. SOLO by Iyaz. Maybe the red bull just kicked in, but usually the right song can really kick my mood up a notch. And all of a sudden I felt lighter on my feet. I felt a groove. Up until now I have described my running as feeling like driving on 4 flat tires. My body would not connect and get the motion right but I kept plugging along. Today, it clicked. The music helped me get through the next 15 mins and I only stopped 2-3 times b/c my chest was hurting (rib issues from pregnancy) and I needed to stretch.

I was still not inclined to do more than 20 mins....

Just Do It

We did make it for our walk successfully before the rain started. And I even walked at a good pace (felt like it anyway) b/c we were in a hurry to get home. I received an offer from my mother to come down and stay with my parents for the night. She even offered to take my 5 week old's night shift feedings!!! My husband has yet to do this so I jumped at this chance.

The day was not as relaxing as it sounds. After the long process and mental exhaustion of packing up the kids and remembering everything from antibiotics to my breast pump, and filling up the SUV to the ceiling, I was actually pretty beat and we hadn't even arrived. Then I took the 2 year old all day. Ate a burger and fries and coke for lunch. Nap time comes. Both kids asleep. Normally it's time for me to rest but...here is a rare opportunity to leave the house while they both sleep. So....I just do it. It may be considered burning the candle at both ends. And this will be a post very soon. But I left. I left and went to the gym. Stopped for a red bull and eye drops and shoveled on the undereye concealer. I went to their local gym and paid for a day pass for $12. And I felt better for it.

Workout:

after spending 20 mins on the phone speaking to a friend in the lobby (b/c when do I ever get to do that either??).....

20 mins on TM 3 min warm up/ 17 min run/walk. Was able to run for 3-4 mins at a time.

Core: straight leg raises x15 (by the way, I should NOT be running if I cannot even do straight leg raises. But I digress...) knee grabs, mini crunches, rope climb.

Weights: lat pull down 2x 20 with 35 lbs. Hack Squat 2x10 with body weight.

The method to my madness: If I get to the gym, at least do 20 mins on the TM. I can do more if I feel so inclined (I have yet to feel so inclined) but at least 20 mins. Try running without as many breaks or decrease warm up time. 20 mins running is my ultimate goal.

If I then get moments to do core work: Figure out how to activate my deep abdominal muscles again. Right now it feels like my muscles are not reacting no matter how much I will them. No crunches, and until recently I used a belly bandit to help with any rectus diastisis. Slowly increase difficulty but if I feel my neck working to much, go back to previous level. I feel my neck working a lot right now.

As for weights: Just get compound motions in when I can. High reps, lower weight until I know I am not going to injure myself.

Oh My Aching Back

Weight: 151 lbs

My return to a fit, strong body and clean healthy diet happens in stages. Those stages are moving along faster after this pregnancy but I am keeping the same progression. Depending on how much I have to lose the requirements to lose weight vary. Since I have more than 20 lbs to lose-the first stage for me is to just move. Cardio cardio cardio. At a later time these words alone without weight training will make me cringe. But for now. The goal is to get off the recliner!

So I am. Every day I go for my hilly 2.5 mile walk. Without fail. Everyday! It may happen at the same time of day. I cannot plan for it b/c the variables of children, breastfeeding and appointments make life these days unpredictable. I may have just taken a shower and washed my hair. Since I live in my workout clothes, I am always ready to pack up and go if the opportunity presents itself.

If I can get to the gym for 20 mins (yes, I usually walk in and 20 mins later, walk out) then I am attempting to run as well. It's not pretty, it's not smooth, there is a lot of grunting and resting on the sides going on. It's not the floating, sprinting on air that I imagined while I listened to Akon's Sexy *itch while I was pregnant. But it's running.

Now, my aching back is b/c usually the cardio takes up every minute to the minute I have. Problem with doing just cardio after a period of inactivity is that you have no foundation for the muscles and the joints take all the impact or activity. I know better. I know I should be doing my core work, squats, straight leg raises, step ups, modified push ups (on a wall or bench since I do not have the ab strength to support doing them on the floor). Some days those make it in at the end of a workout, and most days they do not. And I am paying for it with a sore back and tight IT band. I know better but like I said, right now if I have 20 mins to spare, with 30+ lbs to lose, getting moving is my first and only priority.

Yesterday's workout/diet:

18 mins on TM. Walk/run @5.7mph. (talked to the front desk guy and lost 2 mins)

Diet right now is a big mess but it's survival food right now. Like exercise, I believe this is a slow progression. Look at this list of crap and watch the transition throughout the months. I promise this is not what I advocate but it gets food in me when right now I can barely breath. The foods usually stay the same but I can eat them at any time throughout the day:

zone bars

cokes

chocolate

IsoPure chocolate protein shake with milk

Chicken and cheese

apples

Chicken salad (the kind with mayo)

nuts

1-2x/week McDonalds: small fries, 1 cheeseburger, small coke

If I can get both kids fed, dressed and out the door before the rain hits today-we are off for our walk. If not, off to plan B, C, D and sometimes E......

Don't Judge a Fat Girl in Spandex

I feel amazing! My baby is now a month old and from the day she was born I felt like a new person. For 10 months I laid in a recliner and left Klondike wrappers around, not even caring to pick them up before my husband came home. You begin to wonder if this is your true self. If I was just exercising and playing with my child because I had to, not because I wanted to. And once I had an excuse not to be active, I took it. Well.... apparently, I am not a lazy ass at heart after all. From the day she was born I felt the urge to get up and clean, cook, play, walk and be a productive person again. I was giddy with just the thought of it.

And for the past month I have relished in each and every day that I can get out of bed, go for a sunrise walk (with baby of course), empty the dishwasher and make the bed. Heck, even being able to get dressed without fatigue and pain is heavenly! I have come a long way in a month and so I will recap here. I am progressing a lot faster than my last pregnancy but still going through the same routine.

Week 1: Laid in bed all week. Long story...but healing from birth and just loving holding my baby all day.

Week 2: Began walking to the mailbox, end of the street, around the street etc. Abdominal retraining on my side. Something I used to teach others how to do, my body would now not respond and felt like I had no control over my muscles. No Kegals yet-still resting that.

Week 3: Began walking a 2.5 mile hilly walk. Heart pounding, sweating, took an hour and a half to complete with jog stroller. But listening to my music, watching the sun come up and drinking a red bull is heaven. Began supine abdominal retraining, straight leg raises (can only do 10) and modified yoga stretches.

Week 4: Made it to the gym!! 20 mins on the treadmill, ran/walked. More like ran/stood on the sides to catch my breath every minute. But I am trying. Probably only ran 5-8 minutes total.

So here is where the Don't Judge a Fat Girl in Spandex comes in.

Last weight at 39 weeks was : 186 lbs. One month later: 152 lbs.

Here is the thing....body image is all in our mind and weight is relative. Going from 120-152 is uncomfortable and depressing. Going from 186-152, I feel amazing, healthy, dare I say it, skinny (ish). I am wearing clothes that are snug but to me feel wonderful. I am not as self conscience and walk with my head a little higher. It takes this process to again remember to never judge someone who shows confidence even though they may be wearing something a little snug. Especially while they are working out. What if they just lost 100 lbs and are proud and excited to fit into those clothes? Like me. I am proud and excited and look forward to continue this journey, even in my snug size large black yoga pants. (which I have in all three sizes).