Today was a particularly tough day. The day actually started at 1:30 am last night. She is still 8 weeks old, we have had many good days, but today, today was tough. There was no morning exercise to be done. There was barely a bite of food to be had (other than a frantic bite at McDonalds). By 6:00 pm I decided that needed to change, no matter how desperate and miserable and hungry I was.
Truthfully, I just needed to walk to get my baby asleep. She had been awake all day and I this was my last effort to get her to nap. (I am a nazi when it comes to my children's sleeping). So, despite being in a hunger, sleep deprived coma with tears flowing at every turn, I packed up.
No doubt this blog is about weight loss. My weight at the top of the post keeps me going and excited. However, with an 8 week old, I have nothing to prove. I really don't care what I weigh. I really don't care what others think of my weight. I am not walking down a Victoria Secret runway (and never will) 2 months after birth like some. Weight loss is not my primary goal right now and if that hasn't come across before now, let me clarify.
As I begin my journey around my daily route I am stressed, teary eyed and can barely think or speak. Instead of my usual Akon or Ludacris that has pumped me up during my workouts, I chose my more mellow playlist of Sophie B. Hawkins and Dido. All of a sudden something happens. I begin to, well, breathe.
I slow down, and breathe.
With my first breath I look down and notice my child asleep for the first time all day. A heavenly sight beyond words. As I continue to breathe I start to notice the golden hue that the setting sun is casting upon the golf course and park. I notice the hundreds of children playing baseball and the parents cheering them on. I notice the crisp air and cool breeze. Another breath and I notice those people smiling, and I actually smile back.
With each slow and steady step comes the realization that--as quickly and easily as a good day turns bad, a bad day can turn good.
And I breathe.
And that my friends, is why I am exercising right now. That is why I continue to force myself to get my 30 mins in or my daily walk. Because now, the purpose is to remind me to breathe.