Tears on the Treadmill

My intent of this blog was to document the good, the bad, and the ugly of getting back into shape after giving birth. The trials are so unique and more complicated than any other time in our lives. As I started writing, however, I realized that the ugly is just too ugly and some things are better left unsaid. I have left a lot out of what I have gone through in the past couple weeks. But today I realized if no one ever talks about it then we all feel like we are alone. And we are so not alone are we ladies?

Like today for instance. Day started out (or actually it's all just a continuation of the night if you are awake at 3:30 am right?) with a fight with my husband. Without details, let's just say it's a sleep deprived, hormonal driven, my-life-is-harder-than-yours moment. And we haven't had many since transitioning from one to two children. That has actually been an easy step. Until today.

Then add to that the ugly (warning: it's ugly). Having a period after 11 months is no joke. Add to that the fact that tampons just don't fit like they used to and I have to choose between my bladder control pads and huge "I'm 13 years old again" pads. Really, I don't get to choose between red or white wine? It's which pad is better at the time?

Add to that the mommy guilt of leaving my 7 week old in the gym nursery for the first time. She was screaming when I left. The internal dialog for the first 5 mins on the tm went something like this:

"I can't believe I left her but how am I supposed to get through this day if I don't get my 20 mins, I will be a better mommy today if I run but I should really get her and I cannot believe my husband said that I'll show him how easy it is I'll go to a hotel tonight this pad is rubbing my thighs did I put the right pad on *ahhchoo* I guess I'll find out my boobs are hurting I am done breast feeding this sucks but I'll feel so guilty I can't believe I left her I better go No get to my 20:00 then go I'll feel better for it"

Then the tears. Can't just get on a TM and go anymore can we?

WORKOUT:

20 min run @6.0 mph (yes I stayed on)

later after checking on baby: dead bug (head down b/c neck still hurts), lunges with glide disk 1x12, plank position on bosu-alternating knees, push ups on bosu 2x5.

Any core and strengthening I am doing is geared to keeping my back and hips strong and safe when I do my cardio. I need the foundation to continue cardio which is my primary concern right now. This, as mentioned before, will change.