Saturday, April 10, 2010

Not Enough SPANX in the World...

....could make today palatable. So many thoughts for today. And if anyone is actually reading this, you'll be along for the ride for the ups (the first post) and the downs (today).

When I say weight and body image is relative and all a mindset, I meant it. Until you go dress shopping. Next weekend we are to attend what is most likely going to be the nicest black tie wedding I will ever attend. Feeling a 'slim' 151 lbs, I head to the mall. Looking for a black tie dress is no easy feat for multiple reasons. 1) I have the baby jiggle everywhere 2) I feel way thinner than I am 3) I have not been out of maternity workout clothes for 8 months 4) I have to cover up my arms b/c post pregnancy hormones have wrecked havoc on my skin 5) I have had a mole removed from smack dab in the middle of my chest and had no idea it would look the way it looks (gross!). From size 8-12's nothing fit. So I decide to do what any smart girl would do and decide to wear a maternity dress that I already have and buy a purse. Then head to lunch.

I know I should rest. But very rare is the opportunity to get to the gym. And I so miss the gym. I don't go with my newborn until she gets her shots and I try my hardest not to run with her in the jog stroller until she can sit up unsupported. (as a PT, this is one of the rare things I feel mommy guilt about). It will get easier to go so I can be smarter about my timing but right now I have to go when I can. Today that meant at 2:45 in the afternoon on a beautiful 70 degree sunny day. I drank my red bull and sat in my car in the parking lot for a long long time. I really was struggling today.

I schlep into the gym yawning, step onto the tm and turn on my music. Hmmm...that isn't working. My legs feel like lead. Thinking about those tight dresses doesn't work, I do much better with positive thinking than depressing myself. For a moment I step to the sides, put my head down and tear up (luckily I was the only one in the cardio room). What did I do? Did I have to get so out of shape and big? This is the first time I have had this thought b/c I am so thankful for my healthy pregnancy and huge, healthy, perfect baby. As soon as the thought enters my head it leaves. My mind goes to my real motivation (that will be tomorrow's post) and I finish. Albeit 4 seconds earlier than my 20 min mark. Whatever.

Hilly 2.5 mile walk with double jog stroller and baby (she woke up before I could do my abs and stretches at the end)
20 min on TM: 5 min warm up, 15 mins run/rest @ 6.0 mph. (lots of rests today)
Knee grabs/rope climb

So far today I am only at 1 coke! I have reached for an extra piece of chocolate, but otherwise no mindless snacking.
Tonight I will go to mexican (our second dinner outing in 6 weeks). Instead of cheese dip, coke, cheese enchilada and 2 tacos, I plan to eat:
1 margarita and a taco.

So, I feel better (as always) after my gym visit. But plan to feel even better after my margarita!

*****footnote: just to make it clear-I was checked at 3 weeks by my OB and given clearance for exercise. I do not recommend activity until you have been cleared. I also spent 1 1/2 full weeks on my stomach resting. Which I did not do last time and prolonged my recovery period for months longer. I did not start exercising until I was off all meds, could sit without pain and was fully healed.

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