Thursday, May 27, 2010


12 weeks PP
Weight: 139 lbs
Weight lost: 47 lbs
Goal obtained: begin fast twitch classes

I could not have hit my goal at a better time. Hitting 12 weeks I am tired, hungry and bored. I am tired of being tired, hungry and bored. The excitement of being able to walk up stairs has worn off a little. Running is getting mundane. I am dying for real meals made of real food on a regular basis.

I now have to find a way to change things up to get back to that place of appreciation that I had felt not long ago.

Hitting a goal. That is exciting! This goal is a way to take my motivation to an entire new level. I am not a fan of exercise classes and the thought of doing walking lunges around a park in bootcamp makes me cringe. Fast Twitch class is the only class I have ever taken in 10 years and 10 gyms that I have loved, seen results and kept going 3 days a week for a year. Not only did I lose the 70 lbs from my first pregnancy by incorporating this class but I got my favorite body ever out of it.

I took off entirely during the pregnancy and needed to build up some stamina before taking it after. This is a music pumping, circuit weight lifting class. I only take it because every exercise insures good form, they don't make you do anything crazy and unsafe (such is the trend these days) and the members take this class so seriously and sweat so much it is more than motivating!

I began taking it on Saturday. The music started and immediately I knew I was home. My adrenaline pumped and even the fact that I was the only female in a ratty old tshirt (or a tshirt at all, in fact) could not sway me from feeling strong and powerful.

The goal to this class (or any) is consistency. Remember that word? No matter how tired I always made it to that class. No matter what happened I always made it to that class. I missed it so much during my pregnancy. Starting up again has already motivated me to find my groove and appreciate the art of the sweat again.

Change it up. My trips to the gym and my 30 min run on the treadmill are becoming more infrequent. I am finding excuses of why I can't make it. There is so much dread with the thought of staying on that spinning piece of rubber that I had to change it up.

I revisited an old workout that I used as my cardio when I worked out with a trainer.
5 min warm up
1 min moderate intensity
1 min hard intensity
1 min full out sprint
repeat 7 times.

Mentally, the breakdown of 7 x 3 min clusters of running is just easy. All numbers you can keep track of and count down in your head. The watching of the clock for that minute and thinking "I can do anything for a minute" keeps your mind off the fact that you are not going anywhere. Not to mention, it's speed work, it gets you sweating and the levels continually adjust as your endurance increases. And I'm still out of there in 30 mins. Perfect!

Food: I am so excited my food comes tomorrow. Remember, this is a weight loss tool by default. I am using it so that I don't skip meals, not to just have someone else do the legwork of portion control and calorie counting for me. I have to learn how to do that myself again. But until I have the chance to sit down and eat breakfast and lunch that my husband does, I have decided 12 weeks is long enough to go hungry. And as a bonus it will help our marriage. It will end the resentment I have that my husband gets to sit down and eat those two meals!

Taking care of myself: Although I have ventured out of my black yoga pants only about 5 times, I am taking steps towards the end result. Hair cuts, hair color, seeing a dermatologist to get things removed, peeled and scrubbed, waxing, latisse-they are all setting me up so when I do get dressed again and go out, I will feel and look my best.

Next up: the teeth. This is random but since I have had kids I do not receive compliments on my white smile anymore. Not sure if it's because I don't in fact smile anymore, or because my teeth have dulled. My dentist must have spoken to my husband before our last visit because he talked me out of my much desired veneers. (at $1300 a tooth, I think that was a good call). But he did mention he could do some cosmetic shaving to even out my teeth that would leave them looking more white (the bottoms of my teeth are slightly transparent making them look darker). Considering it saves me $1300/tooth, I'm in!

Steak dinner: Food should never be a reward to weight loss. But tonight it is. A big steak dinner with dessert and lots of wine. Or is it wine and lots of dessert? Either way, all this hard work has got to be enjoyed with more than just more working out. You can definitely do a steak dinner without blowing your hard work. Tonight, however, I will not be doing it that way. I will be adding everything I can, eating everything I can and drinking as much as I can. It's been 10 weeks since I have sat down to a real meal without kids and I figure that ain't hurtin' anything.


Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Food

This entry is very important to me because people keep asking me what I am eating, assuming I am living a life of deprivation and misery. Assuming that they can't lose weight the way I am because they enjoy food too much and don't want to starve. I had homemade mac and cheese and sausage last night for dinner if that shows I am enjoying my meals just fine.

This could be a book (and it is, many in fact). There are so many different layers, history and thoughts on our relationship with food. Instead of trying to sum it all up, I am just going to keep track of what I am doing and why.

I do hope to eventually address this further. There was recently an Oprah I DVR'd on the book Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth that looked fascinating. If only I could watch it more than 5 minutes at a time I may actually have some insight on what has gotten me to this point in my life.

And this point is....after children. My relationship with food has changed drastically after these pregnancies and after having children. Although I have never suffered an eating disorder, I do feel that after children my attitude towards food is healthier than it has been at any other time of my life. But like the exercise, I get there slowly.

Let's review:
Stage 1: Eating whatever foods I ate during pregnancy just in much smaller portion sizes. Anyone can do this.

Anyone can stop at this stage and probably lose weight and feel better.

Stage 2: Beginning to eat at home 90% of the time. Still not the healthiest of foods but just by making it ourselves, by default, it is healthier.

Stopping random bites of food. While cooking dinner, don't take that bite of cheese. Don't mindlessly grab a cookie here and there. Don't reach in the fridge for that slice of turkey or spoonful of peanut butter. And don't just grab a piece of chocolate without thinking.

Still have all those foods (especially the chocolate). But make it a plan, a meal. Know you are going to have the cookie when you are done with your lunch. Plan to have a piece of chocolate. Be Conscience.

Start switching a couple meals a week from a cheeseburger to a grilled chicken salad. Still get the dressing and cheese but start making smarter choices just a couple times a week.

Most people could stop here and still lose weight and feel great.

Stage 3: This is where I am. I have to move up to stage 3 because my activity level is increasing and my sleep deprivation is not easing up. Sleep deprivation + little time to cook = poor food choices. Sleep is the most important thing for our health and well being. Don't get me started about children and sleep habits and the same goes for adults. I realize that I cannot go on for 12 more weeks on bars and shakes. I need more food of substance to keep cravings and bad choices at bay.

Normally, at this stage I would start making sure I have a protein, carb and fat at every meal. Again, not counting calories or macros but just making sure I am not limiting any food that is going to make me crave it later.

But.... Life is still unpredictable and exhausting so I am going to try a meal delivery system. This is only to get me through stage 3 when I should be cooking more for myself during the day but still cannot. Financially, this is requiring me to make some choices. I would love to spend my money on something else. I am choosing proper eating over buying clothes or shoes right now. I did not need to do this before, but the first child was way easier to get on a schedule than the second. I just hope it gets me over the hump until baby girl sleep on a more regular basis and doesn't need to be held quite so much.

So far I have purchased every product myself (if this EVER changes I will make it loud and clear). I have made choices of how I want to spend my money. The meal delivery system I am going to use was chosen because my options were limited.

With Celiac Disease, most delivery systems do not cater to my needs. I found one that I am going to try for 3 days. It is not calorically based, however I have done some math. With my 3 meals/day it looks like about 1200 calories/day. Have you ever seen 1200 calories? It's not a lot.

Remember, the goal is not to lose a lot of weight and gain it back the second I eat a cornflake.

I will be adding shakes, bars, fruits, veggies and probably a coke and chocolate to every days meals.

If I like the food and service, I may post the name of the site and my meals. But I am not advertising for them, I just need something to get me through this transition time. Once life becomes easier with baby girl and I am not missing meals, I will move on to stage 4: protein, carb and fat.

By the margarita and taco salad were yummy tonight. Deprived? I don't think so.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

As Planned

Week 11
Weight: 141 lbs!
Lbs lost: 45 lbs!
Lbs to go: 20!

Nothing this week has gone as planned. Nothing.

I had to take 2 days off unexpectedly because I had a cyst removed from my leg from the dermatologist.

I get ready to leave the house for a workout at 6am then the kids have another idea and I don't get to work out until 3 hours later.

I get all psyched up to take my fast twitch class and it's a sub that makes the class so miserable I walk out after 10 minutes.

I go for a run and I end up seeing my sister and we end up walking and talking instead (which was actually really nice. With her 3 kids and my 2, we rarely talk even though we live 2 miles apart).

Yet...I still lost some weight. Why? How? Because I still managed to get in what I could. 20 mins here, 20 mins there...Mostly just running b/c I never made it to the gym. My legs are tired but I kept just going out and walking and jogging as much as I can whenever I can throughout the day. All with one kid or another, before they wake or after they go to bed. It's all around their schedules and meal times. But I kept plugging along instead of giving up and saying I'll try again tomorrow.

Because tomorrow may be even worse.

And it is paying off.

This morning I got a compliment while dropping my son off at school. Another mom said I was 'glowing'. Now, I understand the mom code. We tell pregnant people they look great and new moms they look amazing for just having a kid. Even if they don't.

Did I say: "oh me? no way! I was up changing sheets at 2 am and feeding a baby at 3am! I look a mess!" (because I was)

Or do I say: "thank you!! I feel amazing! It feels so good to be active again!".

I replied with the latter. Because I am not going to downplay how hard I am working. I am not going to belittle myself. I am not going to lie and try and be humble. Most women cannot take a compliment. When we say something negative in response to someone giving us positive feedback about ourselves, it is sad and unnecessary. So I vow to be proud of how hard I am working and take compliments like they are meant.

And don't let that "lbs to lose: 20" fool you. That doesn't mean I will be happy when I lose 20 more lbs (see: 10 things I will never say), it just means that is my pre-TTC and pregnancy weight. That is the weight where I put on anything in my closet without having to change or worry about what I ate the night before. That is the weight I feel most active, healthy and comfortable. But I feel pretty darn good right now.

Despite all my plans for the past week falling through.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


4 Weeks
7 Weeks

Since I can't figure out how to change over my pages, post pictures or make the layout of this post a little more user friendly, here are some pictures. Full disclosure: In the 7 week picture I am wearing a Yummy Tummy tank top-love these!! For the first month I used a belly bandit then transitioned over to Yummy Tummies. I highly recommend to give a smoother appearance. (but may want to stay away from the nursing one, you can see the circle outline of the opening for the bra under your shirts).

WEIGHT: 143! (it actually teetered to 142 but I didn't get off fast enough before it settled on 143)
Weight lost so far: 43 lbs!

AM (before kids woke up): 20 min run @ 6.0-6.5 mph
Leg press 3x30 50 lbs
Lat pull 3x20 45 lbs

Single leg press 3x30 30 lbs
Push ups 3x10

Walking lunges with over head press 5#
Plank with alternating knees on bosu, ab roller, overhead weight with mini crunch (notice, still no real crunches!!)

Had a fabulous workout because I took a complete rest day yesterday despite my internal dialogue wanting to do something.

PM (after baby went to sleep): 3 mile run

Baby is becoming slightly more predictable. Most days I am waking at 4:30 am. To some this may still sound horrible but this is perfect for me. I love love love that I am waking early again. I feed her, get her back down then get dressed and head to the gym. I love to get my work outs out of the way when you never know what your day will hold.

Because she is becoming more predictable, I am starting to have energy to notice my diet. I looked into my grocery cart the other day and was disappointed in the hot dogs, chips and coke that were present. I still bought them, and in fact ate that exact meal for lunch today, but at least I noticed how unhealthy it was.

I got my glycolic peel!! It is supposed to even out my skin and lighten some of the brown spots from sun and pregnancy. It was only slightly irritating for a short period of time. My skin is very tight and dry like I got a sunburn. It does look like I got a little color, just enough to make you feel alive and even out the skin. The peeling should start tomorrow but so far I am really liking the results! I would've taken a picture, but sadly even that is too much effort and time right now. I go for another in 3 weeks.

Next post, diet. Not an easy topic. There are so many facets and layers to what women deal with when it comes to eating. But it's time to address them. Until then, I am off to eat my hot dog with kraft cheese slices.

Sunday, May 9, 2010



Happy Mother's Day to all. It's hard to figure out what to write on a day like today because this blog is about finding my identity when it's so easy to lose it as a stay at home mom. Nothing makes me prouder and happier than the job I do. Nothing makes me feel more fulfilled. Even after the toughest of days, there is still nothing I would rather do than to raise my children.

I choose to look at Mother's Day at a slightly different angle, however. I spent a wonderful day with my children. My baby slept all night last night without waking (10-8 am!!), my son came and laid in bed with us early, we went and painted pottery as a family and ate cheeseburgers and fries outside on a patio. Perfect.

The rest of the day is where I am going to redirect my focus. Let's talk about something here. I don't believe staying at home makes you a good mother. I don't believe staying in sweats and eating crap makes you a good mother. I don't believe sacrificing yourself for your children makes you a good mother.

What makes a good mother is knowing how to live your life so that when you are with your children you are present, happy and loving. Not tired, frustrated or resentful.

For some mothers this means working. So when they come home they make the most of the time they have with their kids. For some that means hiring help so they are not on full time duty. Anything is okay as long as you it helps you make the most of your time with your children.

For me, it means staying at home but learning what I need in order to be the best mother, wife and myself that I can be. Throughout the years I have learned it means asking for help from my husband BEFORE it's too late. Taking time for myself without guilt. Exercising daily. Taking care of and putting effort into myself. Cleaning out the closet. This weekend I have done little things to address each of these.

1) Ask for help. I know when I am reaching my limit. I know when it's about the time I'm gonna blow. I asked my husband to take baby girl Friday and Saturday night (he was going to anyway b/c of Mother's Day). Baby girl has been harder to get to sleep because schedules and nap times are interrupted throughout the day with 2 year old activities.

Because of this, I have had trouble bonding with Aubrey. It's not that I don't want to take care of her or I get anxious around her. I just haven't had those moments of heartache for her yet. Women don't talk about this. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's okay if they don't come out of the womb and you are not all goo goo ga ga over them right away.

Well, my first wonderful Mother's Day gift came when my husband took my baby all Friday night. I woke anxious to see her, love on her and something just clicked. It finally was that ache for my baby girl that I was waiting for.

2) Take time without guilt. Because I am a very present mom (I rarely talk on the phone or get on the computer when I am interacting with my kids), there is nearly no guilt when I leave to have a manicure, go to the gym or eat lunch with a girlfriend. If you are present and pay attention to your children while you are care taking for them, you know you deserve some time away.

3) Exercise daily. It's pretty obvious I love to exercise. It keeps me sane, it keeps me healthy and it sets a good example for my children.

4) Start paying attention to yourself. You feel better when you look better. I am slowly coming out of my sweatsuit coma. Not too fast, but I am at least getting dressed in something other than my black yoga pants once a week. I got a real hair cut. I am scheduling waxing and my glycolic peels for this week. The progression to hot momma is beginning.

5) Clean out the closet. The rest of my day is going to include getting rid of my maternity clothes and bringing out some of my real clothes. For those that are not mothers or just had babies, this could mean throwing out all the sizes that you haven't worn in a year. You know you have them. The too bigs or the too smalls. The "I'll wear that when I just lose this last 10 lbs" clothes. Embrace where you are. Be realistic about your closet. Simplify your life.

This step for me signifies that I am becoming more of myself rather than a pregnant or new mom. What will it signify for you?

So HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!! But remember, the reason this day is so special is because we are the best mom's we can be. Whatever you need to be that person, make sure you do that today.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Ridin' High

Question: What do you do when you are running and your size large maternity grey sweat shorts are riding high between your thighs b/c they are still so meaty? Do you: a) do a waddle every couple steps to release them or b) let them ride and show all of Atlanta your glorious upper thighs?

3 miles later and I never figured out the answer.

Though distracting, it didn't matter because I got to run outside tonight. The weights I have been doing (all 2 times) have woken up my muscles and I felt stronger already during my run. I am not claiming to be stronger. I am claiming that my muscles are remembering how to work and are starting to support me. It felt pretty good. Not great, but definitely better.

Weight: 144!
Pounds lost so far: 42 lbs
Leg press: 3x30, 70lbs
Row: 3x20, 20lbs

Side lunges with glide disks: 3x10 each leg
Push ups on bosu: 3x5

Walking lunges with overhead press: 3x30 with 5 lbs
Abs: plank on bosu, sit backs, knee grabs. (notice I have yet to do a crunch).

Diet: honestly, if I could remember at the end of the day I would post's still a second thought. But getting better. I actually made dinner and ate some vegetables last night!

3 mile run

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Hello Weights

Before I begin about my new adventure I must rewrite a thought. A friend just emailed me telling me about how she did what I did while in Charleston. Got dressed up, felt amazing, then looked at the picture and thought "wow, not the image I had in my head".

I would much rather feel great, sexy and confident at any size than to hate my body, even at it's skinniest. So we both laughed about our pictures telling us the real story. But neither of us belittled ourselves, demeaned ourselves or had negative thoughts b/c of it. We both just enjoyed that we felt great even if we were not the image we had in our mind.

I entered the weight room today. It felt great. Right now my focus is on low weight, high rep, full body, compound movements (usually machines). There are a couple reasons I start like this.

1) My muscles are not strong enough to handle heavy weight. If I went straight to heavy, all the force would be taken upon my joints and increase the possibility of injury. My body has to relearn how to move and lift.

2) I do not have to think about a program. What day is arm/leg/body part day. The program is the same. The goal is to get it in 2-3 times/week. I never know what days I will actually make it into the weight room. I have to target every muscle each time and make it simple to remember.

3) It keeps me moving. I cannot sit there and take rest breaks that heavier lifting requires. I have 30-45 mins max (if that). Every minute needs to be accounted for.

I think that this program is a wonderful program for anyone. The ultimate goal is to progress to heavy weights, but for someone who needs to maintain a moderate level of fitness just for say, heart health, then this is adequate for a lifetime program as well. I am using it to build a foundation.

Here is the outline:

-you alternate between the two exercises
Lower body double leg 3x30 (squats, leg press, hack squat)
Upper body back 3x20 (row, lat pull)

Lower body single leg 3x30 (step ups, single leg squat, single leg press)
Upper body chest 3x20 (push ups, chest press)

Combo movement 3x30 (walking lunges with overhead press, squat with row)

Gotta be honest, I didn't finish all reps. But I was in there, and my back feels better already! Cannot wait to feel sore tomorrow. And yes, I will feel sore after not lifting a weight for 12 months!

Tonight, I hope to get to my walk or run around the park.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Time for a Change

(first off...yeah!! 3 followers! cool! )

Weight: will not be taken after a night of a margarita and a taco (and admittedly some cheese dip)
25 min run @6.0-6.5 mph
mini crunches, rope climb, dead bug, push ups 2x5 on bosu, plank on bosu

It's time. It's time to change it up. Stage one of 20-30 mins of cardio daily is complete.

How do I know it's complete and it's time for a change?

1) I am struggling, really struggling through every workout. Even though I am getting more rest.

2) I am up to 30 mins running either on the TM or outside. That is long enough in duration that now I should begin to take rest days.

3) My body is screaming. Muscles are sore, bones ache, knees crunch. I feel like one big rubber band ball wound so tight. It is time I begin weights to support the daily activity of life and my cardio.

4) It's been 8 weeks. If I would weigh myself I would probably find that weight loss has hit a plateau. But again, I am not weighing myself, I know better!


*Continue daily walks with kids (good for everyone).
*Begin full body, high rep, low weight, compound movement weight program 3x/week.
*Slowly add time to cardio to reach 45-60 mins/day 3x/week.
*Incorporate complete rest days at least 1. Maybe 2.

*Begin replacing some meals with grilled chicken salads. Still enjoy the cheese and dressing but in moderation. (baby steps people).
*Start paying attention to foods before and after workouts. I have begun to notice that my workouts are suffering if I forget to eat before them. Yes, it's possible. When your main focus in life is to make sure two little mouths are fed before you, you sometimes end up in the gym parking lot without putting something in your belly.

That is plenty for right now.

For anyone that really knows about how to be the most effective and efficient with weight loss-don't forget, this is my progression. I am just getting off my recliner and putting away the Klondike bars. I am not going to go straight to heavy lifting, HIIT and chicken and broccoli. I don't believe that leads anyone to long lasting results. I am going to incorporate all of those things as it's appropriate and as my mind is ready for them.

Right now. It's just ready for a little grilled chicken salad with some honey mustard dressing (and the cheese of course).

After a particularly tough week, mentally and physically. A girlfriend just wrote this at the end of an email:

Enjoy the good days and pray the bad end quickly.

How is it that my girls always know just what to say?