Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Reflections and Realizations

The tone of my blog feels (to me) pretty positive. I tend to write a big picture recap and since my posts are mainly focused on weight loss, it's been going in the right direction.


But I need to reflect on the past 4 months. Make no mistake, this was the hardest thing I have done in my entire life. By 'this', I mean trying to be a functioning member of society while bringing home a new baby while trying to find my best self again while having very little help. I do admit to the help I have, 11 hours/week, but up until last month, I was present while I had that help.

Looking back, I cannot believe what I did. As mothers we all do it (most of us) yet we still feel very alone. I can count how many times I had a hotel room booked to leave for the night (I never did): 2. I can count how many times I have broken down and cried in a locked bathroom: 4. I cannot count how many times I have threatened divorce to my husband.

Yet, we survived. And here we are on the other side. I have 2 beautiful babies that make my heart ache every time I look at them. I have a marriage that is stronger than ever. I am thanking God every day for the family and gifts that have been blessed upon me.

This was quite a different picture than that of the past 4 months.

So was worth every minute. I have babies that nap great and sleep all night. I am at a place physically where I feel strong and confident and not afraid to wear a tank top. My husband and I laugh again.

1) I do have knuckles, ankles and collarbones after all.

2) It's time for a trainer. What lots of cardio does is make you a smaller version of yourself. Doesn't do much to make you rock that bathing suit. I love my cardio, it got me this far, but now it's time to bring it home.

3) It's time I bought some shorts. When I reach my goal weight of 120 and do my wardrobe makeover, I hope to get some new workout clothes. If you like the way you look when you workout, you are more likely to work out harder. Until then...I will go with my old friends. I went shopping and finally got some clothes that would probably last me years.
3 tank tops (L) from Old Navy: $8 each
2 pair of black Soffee shorts (XL,L): $7.99 each
1 package of socks: $15
And that will hold me over for quite a while. Why I didn't buy a sports bra so I can stop doing laundry every day? Who knows.

4) It's our own fault. Try this experiment: give 10 women a compliment. A real compliment, not something insincere. Make it about their weight or looks. Pay close attention to how they respond. I am willing to bet more often than not, they respond with a negative.

I am going to quit blaming the "media" for women's poor body image issues and start looking at how everyday people speak in front of each other and young girls. No less than 5 times this week have I given a compliment only to hear:

"oh no I don't look good, I want to lose at least 15 more pounds"
"but look at this belly pooch"
"no way, these pants are so tight"
"I have to work off that cookie I ate"
"I didn't eat sugar for weeks and did so well until last night, ugh!"

Instead of blaming the media for images of skinny women, let's listen to ourselves and start taking responsibility for the example we are setting.

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