But I couldn't write, because the reason why I am learning all these lessons and meeting all these milestones got in the way. My kids. I am not a big believer in always putting your kids first at the expense of your mental and physical health, or at the expense of a happy marriage. With a newborn, it happens. This week it happened day,night,day,night and is it day or night?
At 3 months the world expects you to join it again. Or maybe that's just the pressure we put on ourselves. I got a little confident and had a weekend filled with dinners with friends, a date with the husband (finally!) and family visits. What that left me with on Tuesday was a baby that reverted back to waking at 2 am every night, a 2 year old that started acting like a 2 year old and sleep deprivation that brought me to tears. More than once.
Still, there are some positive notes that I want to reflect upon. My meals were a great idea! I may still stand and eat while bouncing between 2 children, but at least I get a meal. This has done wonders for my energy levels during my workouts. I always know they are available so I don't just eat crap. Well, not always....
I also went shopping and got a few staples. A couple white shirts, a couple cute scarves and a cardigan from Banana Republic. I put them in my closet together so all I have to do is grab the 3 hangers and have an outfit in seconds. It's all very simple and can go from dinner to the playground, but putting real clothes on makes you feel better. Even if they are covered in spit up.
A holiday weekend came and went and I stayed at the same weight. Many times during the weight loss process losing weight is not the goal. Not gaining weight is. I ate my meals when I needed them, but ate lots of homemade food when it was made for me. I am not turning away burgers with friends and my mom's party potatoes. I ate them all within reason, enjoyed my social activities and didn't gain a pound.
Until maybe tonight.
Sleep deprivation makes you crave carbs. I am beyond sleep deprived. I am to the point where I am scared to go to sleep because I know I am going to wake 5 minutes later. There is nothing more I have been wanting than a big slice of cake. I am smart enough to recognize that that piece of cake may provide some short term pleasure but long term pain. With Celiac Disease my choices are so limited. I either have to make something myself or eat what resembles cardboard. After 5 days I have managed to not just eat crap just to eat it. Most of the treats I could have are not worth it and I am too tired to really care.
Until tonight. A momma friend was out to dinner and saw a piece of gluten free lemon icebox cake. She dropped off a piece. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Layers of lemony, moist cake with the fluffiest cream cheese frosting. If anyone has CD, you can appreciate the beauty of normal looking piece of cake that we can eat. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever eaten. There was no way I was passing up such a rare opportunity. There was no way I was going to obey my rules and just eat half of it. I ate it all with such joy and happiness. And with each bite I remembered that I have people in my life who love me enough to bring me a piece of cake, just because.
If it takes a piece of cake to bring me joy, happiness and a short term burst of energy right now, I'll take it.
Mon/Wed/Fri: Outdoor run or TM speed workout
Tues/Thurs/Sat: Fast Twitch class
Breakfast: omelet with potatoes, zone bar or turkey sausage
Snack: protein shake with milk or chocolate truffles
Lunch: Turkey sandwich or chicken with quinoa and veggies
Snack: zone bar, apple, shake, cheese stick and nuts
Dinner: Chicken, potato, veggie or chicken salad