Balance

It's an ever evolving idea that we are always trying to strive towards. As moms, balance is a nice idea but I'm not sure we ever achieve it. As someone who is a mom and trying to lose weight, it's darn near impossible. You must pick your priorities and be okay with the tasks that get left on the table.

This week, I had to find balance.

1) Literally. I had to find my center of gravity, core muscles and equilibrium and balance during a lot of the lifting I did with my trainer. He doesn't have me doing overhead press on a gym ball, nothing like that. But even just step ups make me realize that after prolonged inactivity, ruined abdominals, baby hormones, ligament changes etc, it's impossible to balance! This is something we forget to retrain after a pregnancy and I must incorporate more of in my routine.

2) After my last post about my crazy day, I realized that the food choices may be misleading. Because I balance out days like that with days like yesterday. My last post was about me squeezing in every minute on the treadmill that I could and putting my kids and errands first at the expense of not feeding myself properly. That is fine, somedays. But you must balance that out with a day like yesterday:

Breakfast: turkey sausage and corn flakes

Trainer

Lunch: popcorn on our living room picnic, 3 meatball roll up on a corn tortilla with a slice of cheese and a coke

snack: zone bar

Dinner: Filet, broccoli, little potato, gf Chocolate Thunder from Down Under (split 3 ways)

I also choose to play with my son and his new toys and send my husband for the cake instead of sneaking in 20 mins at the gym while picking up the cake myself. Balance.

Then you have to realize you had Chocolate Thunder from Down Under last night and you have to balance that with passing up on cake today. Just because it's a party (vacation, holiday, bad hair day, whatever) doesn't mean you lose sight of your goal. Pick your battles, pick your treats.

3) Need to balance out all this cardio and weights now with a little yoga. This is always the last installment of my weight loss journey. It's probably the most important but always the last to join the program. Skipping warm ups and cool downs makes for one tight ball of twine of a body. I love yoga, I love the way it feels afterwards, and I love it makes me feel more balanced in my life. Time to do it.

4) Have fun. Throw a 3 year old birthday party at the pool. Balance the urge to super organize, over decorate, over feed, over think and realize that all a 3 year old needs is a Lightning McQueen (or fill in the disney character du jour here) cake. Okay, I still had the food, drinks, and gift baggies but given my learned trait to over entertain, I showed some restraint. And it was fabulous. It was relaxing, low key, fun.

Most importantly, I got to take off my cover up off, be proud of my body and relax because I felt I had worked so hard to earn that right. I may not be rocking that hot bikini bod yet, but I certainly earned the right to walk tall and not care about those last 9 lbs.

Balance. This week I did a little for me, a lot for the kids, a little for me again, ate a lot good, some bad and oh yeah, is there still time to fit spending time with my husband in there? Thank goodness the weekend is not over yet...

!!!

I hit the 120's!!!

129.9 to be exact. But that 2 is there!!!

time for a picture.

Just Another Day

.......Maybe I cried because I was so uncoordinated while attempting a clean and press with my trainer. (Yes, I said clean and press. Told you I was not messing around).

But after a day like today I have to realize that I am trying, after a day like today, I am trying.

(5am, plan on going to the gym but husband claims I can go before he goes to work)

6:05 am: eyes pop open, go downstairs to make bottle

6:15 am: baby wakes, feed, giggle with, burp, do laundry, put clothes on

7:15 am: put baby back down

3 seconds later: 3 year old wakes, make bfast, get clothes out, give kisses, eat zone bar

7:45 am: finally head to gym. now only have 20 mins at gym before rushing home so husband can go to work

TM workout: 3 min warm up

1 min 6.5mph @ 0% incline

1 min 6.5 mph @ 9.0% incline

1 min 7.5 mph@ 0% incline

8:15-9 am: organize party supplies for 3 year old bday party this weekend, pick up house, pack up food, bathing suits, pj's, towels, pool toys, goodie bag to keep 3 yr old occupied at MD's office.

9:30 am: feed, clean, change, pack up 2 kids

10:00 am: MD office, shots for one, rash for another

10:30 am: want to stop for fast food to bring to pool, instead, go to sandwich shop, get chicken salad, ham and cheese for 3 year old.

11:00 am: have a fantastic time at the pool with kids: chicken salad, 1/2 coke, couple chips, throw the rest away because it's time to get in the pool!

1:00 pm: get both kids in bed. ahhhh..... am so hungry and tired, walk into kitchen. Walk out after a protein shake with water and bite of apple.

2:00-4:00pm: hold baby girl during her nap since she is having a hard time after shots

4:00pm: feed baby girl, get snack ready for awake 3 year old, play with both, zone bar, 1/2 coke

5:35 pm: husband walks in, I walk out. need to pick up cookie cake but really wanted to get back to gym for 20 more minutes. I can either 1) be late to a hair appt (not an option, I hate being late, even with 2 kids, I try to never be late) 2) not go to gym 3) not pick up cookie cake.

5:38 pm: walk in gym

TM workout #2:

5 mins @ 6.5 mph

5 mins @ 7.0 mph

5 mins @ 7.5 mph

5 mins @ 8.0 mph hit stop button. run out of gym.

5:59 pm: run up to get cookie cake (gym is in the mall!), notice the gf cookie!! I want one! I ask for one. Then the guy is so slow to get my cookie cake, I say forget it. No gf cookie today.

6:15 pm: made it to hair appt right on time, to the minute.

8:00pm: pick up 1/2 sandwich on gf bread from Jason's Deli! Turkey, tom/let/cheddar cheese. pickle, couple chips. stop and pick up balloons.

9:00 pm: set up for Blake's bday tomorrow.

9:45 pm: ahhhhhh shower. finally.

I may not be able to clean and press right now, but I do feel like a superwoman today.

That Didn't Last Long

I changed the plan.

As committed to my goal as I am, I am also committed to being a mom. There is such a fine line between doing for ourselves to make us better, happier people and giving up time with your kids. For each person, this is different.

How much time are you willing to keep that kid in a jog stroller? How much time can you handle leaving them in the gym nursery? How many times a week do you want to bring them to the gym? How much time away are you willing to spend?

For each person this is different. Did I mention that yet? And we are not to judge anyone for whatever their answers may be.

For me, committing my kids to one hour in the gym nursery 3x/week was too much. Having a trainer on Fridays so I could take Fast Twitch T/Th meant I would have to do that. Now, I'll bring them for my 20 min cardio without an ounce of guilt. But being committed to being gone for one hour that often, I'm not ready.

I am with my kids most every minute of every day except for M/W mornings. Friday is reserved for playgroups and outings. I decided I was not willing to interrupt that fun, unstructured time together with my children. So here is the new plan:

M: trainer

T: cardio

W: trainer

Th: cardio

F: cardio

S: Full body fast twitch

Sun: cardio

I will give up my beloved Fast Twitch classes during the week. Until my son goes to school in the fall, this makes me comfortable. Do what you need to do to get your workouts in, but don't do it at the expense of precious time or mommy guilt.

I cried in the locker room this morning after my trainer. I'm not really sure why. The workouts are so hard, I am trying to be so tough but it is taking every bit of strength out of me. Mentally and physically. I may have cried because I was so proud of myself. Or I may have cried because no matter how hard I work I still won't look like most of the girls in there with these hips of mine. (I know I promised I wouldn't say that but come on, we all have our moments).

Maybe I cried because I realized that starting to take more than 20 mins/day really does make you feel guilty. But I am pretty sure I cried because I am so proud of myself for pushing my body even harder as soon as things get easy. Yeah, I hope that was it....

Speaking of getting easy.....did I mention I am sleeping? And with sleep comes the craving for fresh, healthy, homemade foods. I went to the grocery store. I started thinking twice about what I put in the cart. I pulled out the cookbooks!

I love the Canyon Ranch cookbooks and The Food You Crave

These are normal foods, healthy and clean, can be modified to be gluten free very easily and it's all real food! I will never ever not in a million years put fake food in my house again.

Real foods = real satiety.

Low fat, no fat, low carb, diet. All foods made in a laboratory. All foods that keep you fat. I promise.

It's still a challenge to find the time to cook so I plan out my meals all week. Well, 2 meals. It's a start.

Up this week:

Beef Tenderloin with chocolate sauce/green beans and mushrooms

Shrimp Bake with feta cheese

Spaghetti and Meatballs (out of the children's cookbook so my son and I can make together)

I don't plan on taking pictures of food but if they turn out especially pretty I just might.

Remember-always have a plan, always have a backup plan, always be willing to change the plan depending on what you are comfortable with. Good luck with your plan!

Edited to add: The hip thing is what it is. I haven't thought about my body shape since I came to terms with the fact that liposuction is not an option for me. But when you have to explain to your trainer why you cannot do hammer curls with proper form because your hips get in the way....well, just brings them to full attention.

Stay with Me Now....

WEIGHT: 131 LBS!

LBS LOST SO FAR: 55

baby is 5 months old

LBS TO GO: 11!!

I know there is at least one of you out there reading. My dear friend and fellow blogger Heather. Thanks Heather for the kind words and 'referral'! Heather (The Long and Winding Road) has an amazing story to share. Her story takes her all the way from overweight and starting down the road towards diabetes, heart disease and other ailments...but instead she steered in the other direction and competed in a figure competition. Now, she is finding the balance between the two to live her best life. An intriguing and inspiring story that is worth checking out for the before and after pictures alone!

So someone is with me. And I hope you stay. Because I am afraid here is where I may lose people.

My focus has always been to show that anyone can lose weight and change their lifestyle. It doesn't require a miracle pill, liposuction, or a privileged life. Basically a good jog stroller and voila. No excuses.

After my last pregnancy I lost 75 lbs without a trainer, meal delivery system or extra nanny hours. It can be done. And it took me about 9 months.

This time, I knew the stages to go through, the progression that would be made and what to expect. So I prepared. By saving my pennies during the pregnancy and not buying clothing (I hate spending money on maternity clothes!) massages, going on trips or out to dinner. I knew where I wanted to spend my money this time.

This week, I am using those pennies. Here is where I hope I don't lose people. I never want someone to say "Oh, you could do it because you hired a trainer and someone else to make your meals." "I can't afford that." Well, I just lost 55 lbs without any of those things. 20 minutes a day. You CAN afford that.

Stage 4 (?) is on. I am so comfortable at this weight. But comfortable isn't the goal now is it? I said I would take it to the next level and it's time. Stages 1-3, anyone can and should do. Move more, eat less. I could continue along this path and lose the last 10 pounds over time and look fine. But fine isn't the goal now is it?

It's time.

I don't think it's realistic to ask you to work out hard, make healthy meals, have the fridge stocked and take care of yourself on no sleep. Sleep deprivation is the number one hinderance to a healthy lifestyle. When you are not sleeping, you do what you have to do to survive. For me that meant a food delivery system for quick easy meals. Like a prepackaged frozen meal except for me that isn't an option because it has to be gluten free. I never did eat the meals as intended, I used them as an emergency meal when the threat of not eating was present. It also meant lots of cardio because cardio is mindless and easy.

But I am sleeping now. Oh, am I sleeping. Sleep, glorious sleep.

So now it's time.

I cooked (see the next post).

I met with a trainer. Hardest thing ever. (only because the memory of running my first minute after the baby is diminished...) I am lifting hard and heavy with no whining. I want to cry. I want to stop. I want to beg for a magic pill. This is the stage where I may lose the rest of you. I want to show you girls that lifting is not just for boys.

The intensity of workouts has just bypassed normal people/normal bodies. Cardio, a little lifting and a couple grilled chicken salads is great and healthy and man, do I wish most people in my life would do it. But I'd like to not be normal. I want people to say "wow, you really do put flaxseed in your cereal?"

New workouts=need a new plan. I can't just get out and run everyday now. I must rest and let my body repair. I learned this the hard way this week. By thursday my body hurt, ached and I was worthless with my trainer. so....here's stage 4 (or 5, or whatever we are on....)

MONDAY: Upper body with trainer

TUESDAY: Lower body fast twitch

WEDNESDAY: Cardio/yoga

THURSDAY: Upper body fast twitch

FRIDAY: Lower body with trainer

SATURDAY: Cardio (running outside or full body fast twitch)

SUNDAY: Cardio

Rest days occur when my body tells me.

and we all know my kids are laughing at the plan....

So stay with me, if anyone is in fact there at all. This is where it gets good. This is where we start realizing what our bodies are capable of. And read the next post...this is where we realize that the food we use to fuel it really does matter. Stay with me, because we are about to enter "Your Best Life".

Back to Reality

10 Followers!! Whoooohooo!!

When you have a significant amount of weight to lose it can be daunting to think about moving the scale in the opposite direction. Once you decide to commit to a lifestyle change, I always suggest one easy step before making the big move-

Don't worry about losing, just don't gain one more pound.

I looked at my vacation this way as well. I didn't focus on losing, it was vacation. But I didn't want to gain any weight. So...runs every morning, shared dinners and desserts every night.

Of course I was still nervous to step on the scale. But I promised...

It's even better when you step on the scale and lose weight. I am still enjoying the memories of shaved ice, pineapple cheesecake and gelato.

But I enjoy that weight even more.

A fabulous find:

It's only fabulous because I pushed out two 8 1/2 pound babies....but Poise Pads with Wings! Probably TMI but I just discovered these. This is huge-if you enjoy running, plyometrics or sneezing but have had kids, you probably will relate.

During my race I had to stop (in front of thousands, it's a 50,000 person race) and remove my poise pad to throw in a trash can because once it fills up like a diaper it falls down my pants or shorts.

Enter wings and yippee!! My runs in 90 degree, 98% humidity FL weather and it made it a little more bearable!

It's the little things.....

How Do You Do It?

If you haven't read the comment sections, I have been asked a couple of times "How do you do it?" How do you lose weight when you have a newborn and older children? How do you do it when you are tired? How do you do it if you don't have childcare? How do you do it if you work? Check, check, and check. The answer:

You just do.

It's as simple and annoying as that. You just do.

If I waited until I got the perfect amount of sleep, the dirty diapers were timed perfectly and nothing was spilt on the floor, I would never work out.

1) Prioritize : I'm not saying that weight loss has to be a priority. Who cares if you lose the weight? If you don't care, use your time in other ways, but don't complain about your weight 2 years later when you haven't made it a priority. Time is a prized commodity. When I have it, I work out. I choose working out over showering, shopping, nails, playing on the computer and reading. Use your time how you want, but again, don't say you can't lose the weight if you are doing these things instead.

When I was breastfeeding, I would feed the baby, pump (she had reflux issues that I found subsided with bottle feeding the breastmilk) have to burp her for an hour (again, the reflux), put on the 2 sports bras, nursing pads, drink a ton of water and pee every 3 minutes and plan around the boobs refilling. That left about 20 minutes before it was time to do it all over again. And guess how I used those 20 minutes? Yep, plan ahead, be fast and do it.

2) Stick with the plan. But always have 3 plans. You are on your way to class at 10 am, at 9:55 someone won't eat their bottle, someone poops or someone won't get dressed. Either stick with the plan, be late to class or head out for a run with the jogger instead.

You literally have 20 minutes at the gym, someone stops to talk to you, you now have 17 minutes, make the most of it, hop on the TM and work out so hard during those 17 minutes. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "That was fast" from the front desk as I bolt out after 17 minutes. "At least I'm here" I want to reply, but I am in too much of a hurry to do so. Commit to working out but be ready to do something other than your plan. Use whatever time you have, it's never wasted time.

3) Have a gym with childcare. I will never work out in a place without (good) childcare. I will not hire help to watch my kids so I can workout. I did not have kids so that I could go on with my life and hire someone else to raise them, I am going to figure out a way to incorporate my workouts in my life with my children. Rain or shine, I always have an option to go to the gym with my kids. I didn't start taking the baby until just recently though. If it got to the evening time and I hadn't had a chance to workout, I would take my son and my husband would stay with baby girl. This is tough though because a sick child can take away this option, that's where number 4 comes in.

4) Have a great husband. I have a great husband. But even the best husbands cannot be expected to know when you need help. Speak up. If you can't find 20 minutes per day then you need to speak up. Full disclosure: I put cooking dinners, grocery shopping and errands on the back burner. I choose to play with my kids instead of grocery shopping and walk with them in the evenings instead of cooking dinner. There is something always on the table, but it's not fancy and many times my husband has to cook it.

Exercise makes me a happier person. After 9 months of giving my body to someone else, it's now my time. My husband is a great husband because he understands and supports this. But I also speak up and tell him that this is what I need.

Dinners are about to become a priority again. I will return to making healthy, hearty meals because life is getting easier, and I enjoy it. We just had a little hiatus so I could get myself to feeling stronger and healthier again.

5) Spend the money to have some help. Hmmm...isn't this a contradiction to what I just said about not hiring someone to watch my kids? Not really. I do think it's wise to get a couple hours of help a week so you can plan doctors appointments and at least know there will be a time when you can work out. I work a couple hours/week, but I have my help stay a couple hours extra so I can do just that. Financially we end up even, but it's worth the break I get. If you work, pay to have one extra hour when you can work out. It's worth it.

I still work around nap times and with my children or my husband's help 5 days/week. But getting help those 6 hours have allowed me to schedule my trainer and know I can show up on time. That's nice.

What is your excuse? Why can't you find the time to workout? Why don't you eat better?

Write it down. Then talk to your partner and figure out a way to get your 20 minutes/day.

Then use it. Because as hard as today has been with a newborn, work, no sleep and a toddler.....tomorrow may be worse.

Nothing (Everything) To Prove

Another glass of wine at 3 in the afternoon....

I have said often that I HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE. I don't gain 70 lbs during a pregnancy because I think everyone should. I don't lose it because I think I need to be skinny or compete with others. This blog about weight loss, beauty, health and well being is for no one but myself.

or so I thought.

After becoming hyperaware of the misinformation out there about diet pills, liposuction, abdominal "hernias", nutrition and exercise, I realized I HAVE EVERYTHING TO PROVE.

I hope to prove you can lose weight without an all or none approach.

I hope to prove you can lose weight without feeling deprived.

I hope to prove that a stay at home mother can still care for herself and feel pretty and worthy.

I hope to prove that if you do things correctly, the way science and physiology tell us, you don't need liposuction or diet pills.

I hope to prove it's okay if you gain weight while pregnant. It will come off.

That's where I have everything to prove.

NOTHING TO PROVE:

A friend just wrote me asking about the race I ran (forgive me but I must make note of this!). Her concern was that she is interested in running a race but afraid of coming in last. To which I replied...

Why?

I have come in second to last in a race (only because someone sat down and waited on me so THEY could be last). I have also been 5 minutes shy of qualifying for the Boston Marathon during one of my marathons. I have struggled through races and placed in my age group in others.

I am just as proud of finishing the race as they took up the cones as I was running my fasted marathon.

What do you have to prove? Nothing.

Nothing but you have the courage and the enthusiasm and the will to get out there.

NOTHING TO PROVE:

Have you ever refused to go shopping because you were not the size you thought you should be? Because the number on the tag isn't the one you think it should be?

Yes, my final goal is to get a new wardrobe when I am at my pre-pregnancy weight. Yes, I am not buying a lot of in between clothes because I want to spend my money on other things right now (peels, trainers etc). But...I am in the process of losing weight gained for a short period of time, not saying I will wait until I get to my goal weight, and have been trying to get there for years....

You can only go so long in the HOT HUMID south in workout pants and cotton tshirts. A quick girls (me and my baby girl) trip to the outlets and the bags I came home with may look like they were bought for 3 different people.

From one store:

Size 10P shorts, size 6 skirt, size 4 dress. I don't care about the number, I have nothing to prove. I just care that they feel good on. And they do!

Vacation workout:

The hottest run I could ever imagine. No idea about distance but takes me about 40 mins (with or without jogger).

Then abs: dead bug, sidelying hip-ups, plank with leg raises, sidelying hip-ups, double 'crunch', sidelying bendovers, plank with elbow up/down with push up, sidelying bendovers.

Yoga stretches.

So far I have done this everyday. Feels great to go shopping and put on a bathing suit after this workout.

Vacation diet: (typical)

zone bar or prepackaged meal

rice crackers, turkey and cheese roll ups, coke or chicken salad and coke

fruit, nuts, cheese

grilled fish with salsa and mashed potatoes, or cheeseburger, or wine/cheese and crackers

small shared ice cream or snow cone

I am really enjoying my vacation to the fullest. But I hope (ackkk! we'll see) to get on the scale when I get home and be (at least close) the same weight as when I came.

A Weekend of Firsts

For the first time I am writing this while drinking a glass of wine. At 2:30 in the afternoon. I received a lovely massage yesterday for the first time in, could it be?, a year? This morning, for the first time, I stretched. I put on a bathing suit today (a one piece, thank you) and felt really good. For the first time in over a year and a half.

For the first time I have felt utterly and completely relaxed.

And yes, I am with my family.

All this after what was one pretty long week that left me speechless and unable to get out of be at 4 in the afternoon on Friday. My first session with my trainer, 2 fast twitch classes, no recovery period after the race (and yes, there was a day when a 6 mile run WAS my recovery period), a baby that didn't sleep, a cancelled girls night after much anticipation and maneuvering, a husband that in turn got his guys night, and many play dates with the kids.

By Friday I didn't speak, leave my bed or eat. For those that know me-all unusual events.

Which is why my husband got scared enough to book a massage for me the second we landed in one of my favorite places on earth. Rosemary Beach, FL. At first it's a little unsettling to go more than 15 minutes without hearing "mommy I need, honey where is and waaaahhhhhh!!".

Slowly, slowly, slowly I got used to the silence.

That is a way to start a vacation. Instead of taking 2-3 days to unwind, then it's time to head home, immediately head to the spa and you are in a different world within minutes. Thanks dear husband!

The next way to start a vacation is with a margarita. Just one. Followed by a morning run. Followed by abs and stretching while listening to Bob Marley under the palm trees. Heaven.

My husband and I like to workout on vacation. We enjoy a good sweat without time constraints. We don't usually see vacations as a time to just get gross and lazy and eat without abandon.

Not that I don't see the usefulness in getting gross, lazy and eating without abandon.

I did that last week remember? I knew my vacation was coming up but my body told me last week was the week. Last week was the time to rest. So now, with my vacation, why shouldn't it be like any other day? They don't have any different foods that I can't get at home. I can always find a gym. What is it about the word 'vacation' that gives people the idea that their health is on vacation as well? I like to keep up with smart choices 80% of the time. Why come home and have to re-lose the 5 lbs you just lost the month before you left home?

Now, I may eat a little more ice cream and drink a little more wine than normal but hey, it is a 'vacation'.

The next stage:

I met with my trainer once before I left. That was a calculated move on my part. He is a no nonsense, take responsibility for your own health, lift heavy, don't waste time, why bother doing this if you are not taking it seriously-kind of guy.

Knowing what I know and doing what I do, please trust that I am not going to work out with anyone that does anything unsafe or stupid. I do not work with trainers that come up with these stupid exercises just for the sake of impressing their clients. I like to lift heavy, stay with the basics and perform them with good form.

And lift heavy I did. I was humbled, I struggled, I sweated (after the first 2 minutes), I wanted to cry. Because I could not believe I was so weak, it was so hard and I was so proud of myself for even trying.

I met with him once before this vacation because I was getting so bored and unmotivated with my program. I needed to take it to the next level and I didn't want to wait. I needed to go on vacation knowing that that hard ass workout would be there when I return. And so I better not gain 5 lbs and make it that much harder when I return!

So, raise up your little plastic cup of wine with me-Cheers to moving to the next stage, Cheers to working out on vacation so a margarita is enjoyed without guilt, Cheers to enjoying my family and husband again! Cheers!

PRODUCT UPDATE:

LATISSE: At the last update with Latisse I was about to abort. My lashes were uneven, I had to trim some of them, they were all tangled and weird. Stick with it!! At month 4 they are glorious! For the first time in YEARS, I will leave the house without mascara. They look almost ridiculous with how long and thick they are but I am addicted now. I have only bought 2 bottles ($120 each) and it's been 4 months. So worth it, in my opinion!

I also have a new follower! Follower #8! Welcome, whomever you may be!

Back to "Normal"

Whatever that means anymore. This weekend was about feeling somewhat normal again. First, the very next night after my rant we went back to our original plan with baby girl and she went to bed like a dream. She slept all night and a big sigh was heard all around this household.

Thank goodness, because we had such a huge day. The second thing that made me feel 'normal' was the running of the Peachtree Road Race 10K. I have run this race every year that I haven't been pregnant for the past 10 years. Have I ever run it on 2 hours sleep? No. Have I ever run it with a Poise Pad falling down my shorts? No. Have I ever run it talking the entire time because I was so excited to be able to talk to a friend for one hour uninterrupted, something I hadn't done in weeks? No.

I also have never run it with my entire family waiting for me at the finish and my son helping me cross the finish line. And that made all the differences worth it. And it made it the most special race I have ever run.

Running this race made me feel somewhat normal. It was hard, hot and exhausting. I still haven't recovered. I'm not sure if it's the race's fault or because ever since Friday I have not been able to get around that brick wall I hit. Either way, I realized that the energy it takes to do what used to be a normal occurrence (running 6 miles) is now a feat of mammoth proportions.

Other than the race, I took the entire weekend off. Mentally, this was hard because time is precious when my husband is home and to give up 3 days where I could go to the gym and not have to rush was maddening. But I don't believe in taking breaks when it's convenient, for instance when we go away on vacation next week. I believe in taking breaks when your mind and body tell you. My body told me to stop exercising, eat cheeseburgers and homemade ice cream without a second thought and to put away the laundry for another day.

Too bad someone didn't tell the kids.....

All that 'time off' taught me one thing. You feel like crap when you don't do crap and you eat like crap and you treat your body like crap. I felt so sick and bloated and miserable by the end of Monday night.

This morning, despite the continued fatigue (and a baby that needed her paci all night for some reason...) we got back into our routine. I ate full breakfast, went to my fast twitch class and played at the park with the kids. While still tired, at least my body feels better for it.

It's also energizing thinking about the next stage. It's time for a trainer. Tomorrow morning I am going to meet with a trainer I worked briefly with in the past. I like him because he makes his clients (even the females) lift heavy and work hard. He is not chatty, he is not there to count reps, he is not there to be a friend. He makes you work hard and his clients have the bodies to prove it.

I am terrified.....

But excited. Here is the stage where I take it to the next level. Up until now, most people can lose a lot of weight and improve their lifestyles considerably just by doing what I have done. They could stop at this stage and still add years of health and well being to their lives.

But that's not the purpose of this blog. I am here to take it all the way, to live my best life and to feel the best I have ever felt. I am here to rock a bathing suit and be able to put on clothes any day and have them fit without a second thought. I am here so I live a life that is a great example for my children but still fun and relaxing.

Stage 4 (or whatever stage we are on)

Cardio:

Tues/Thurs/Sat: Fast twitch classes

21 minutes of speed intervals on TM

Walks outside with kids in double jogger

Weights:

Mon/Wed: Full body, compound movements, heavy lifting

Diet:

Fine tuning.

More grilled chicken, veggies and carbs.

Stick to meal delivery system when available

Plan treats (such as family outings)

Begin adding 1-2 pieces of fruit/day

This plan makes me feel normal. Whatever that means anymore....

Listen to Your Gut

Rarely do I write about the minute to minute recap of my day because 1) I can't remember what I did 3 hours ago 2) It's exhausting to live once, it would be exhausting to write and exhausting for you all to read and 3) any mother of young children already knows exactly what my day entails.

Life has gotten really great. Our day is a well oiled machine that includes big naps at the same time for my 2 children, pool, making cupcakes, a baby that is happy and a clean, organized house. It feels really good after a long 4 months.

But in order to keep that machine running, it's exhausting. Unless someone steps into your day for 24 hours, they will never know how exhausting 'a fun outing of going to the pool' with a 3 year old and 4 month old can be.

I hit a wall on Friday. I wrote about it, then I listened to my gut and rested. As much as I could rest with the kids...meaning, after taking both to an MD appt and making cupcakes and having a playdate that ended up with a house covered in frosting, that was an 'easy' day.

I didn't work out and I ate whatever my heart desired. This was different from the mindless eating I had just done. This was purposeful and planned. The double cheeseburger and fries from Five Guys Burgers was absolutely a plan (eating the rest of my son's was not however).

Saturday is a precious day for me. It's the one day I can know I am getting a full workout in. But I listened to my gut and rested one more day. Diet wise, by relaxing on Friday, I was ready and wanting to make smarter choices again. I craved a grilled chicken salad with loads of crisp veggies. I even held the cheese (but kept the dressing). The rest of the day was just normal eating of my packaged meals and no craving anything. Listen to your gut.

Listen to your gut. I am writing this at 2:47 am because I let my momma guard down. For 4 months I have worked to figure out my baby and what she needs when. In my mind, the reason for these 4 months of pain and agony are all for one ultimate goal. To get babies that sleep through the night, put themselves to sleep and nap for extended periods.

And it worked.

We have had our hiccups but for the most part I can go to sleep expecting not to see anyone in the morning.

Until I let someone into my world. The second someone tries to tell me to do something different for whatever reason (either they don't understand what I do, they don't expect me to do it when they are present, or they have their own ideas) it all falls apart and who is left picking up the pieces? Me. Sometimes my husband helps but it always includes me.

The MD suggested we change something. He and I believe in the same book, my sleeping baby bible: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. So when he suggested I change something around, although apprehensive, I agreed.

Until I had a screaming child from 8-9:30 pm because I didn't put her down by 7:30 like usually do. That lead to a 2 am wake up (and feeding). Which led to me staying awake listening to my neighbors and lead me to writing what is most likely a nonsensical blog post.

Listen to your gut.

You know what is best for your children. Or more so, you know what it takes to get you through the day without wanting to kill everyone around you. Others don't have to understand what you do and they don't have to agree with how you do it.

After completely relating to a fellow blogger, Mothering Multiple Joys, I have realized something very powerful. Everyone expects you, with your children, to enter their world. Until of course the food comes or a diaper needs to be changed or a baby is crying.

I have decided that instead, I am going to live in my world of routines, nap times, meals at home, and listening to what my babies need. Because no one is here in my world when it all falls apart.

This came across as a vent, not my intention for this blog. But at 3 am, not sure it can come across as anything else.

It's now 3:15 am. I am supposed to run the Peachtree Road Race 10K tomorrow morning. And I wonder why I hit a brick wall........

I promise the next blog post will be back to the weight loss journey. I am moving on to another stage next week, wearing real clothes, and overheard a mother talk about a crash diet/diet pill in front of her 13 year old daughter. Oh...there might be another vent.

Confessions

You know it's time for a break when:

1) During your workout you legs are aching, you feel like you are going to throw up, you can't lift your arms or pay attention to what you are doing.

And it's the first 3 minutes of class

2) You are getting 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep yet you can't get out of bed and are tired by 7 A.M.

Yes, A.M.

3) You leave dirty diapers and birth cloths around. A complete 180 from the normally obsessive cleaning and picking up behavior.

4) The thought of having to plan an activity, be somewhere at a specific time or travel with the family gives you anxiety.

5) and here's the confession:

For the first time in 4 months you mindlessly eat. and eat. and eat. I do not have 'bad' or 'good' foods. I absolutely feel if you proportion things correctly and plan them around healthy meals you can eat everything in moderation. I also believe if you eat well 90% of the time, but treat yourself 10% of the time, you still lose weight and don't feel the need to mindlessly eat.

Yesterday at 4pm, as I wait for both children to wake and start the chaos of the afternoon, I found myself chowing down on chicken wings and a coke. Standing at the kitchen counter. Add a little popcorn and I was baffled. I had chicken wings the night before for dinner, 3 with a side of caprese salad and some fruit. No big deal. But when you find yourself not planning and balancing the meals, that's when it's time to take notice.

Do I feel guilty about eating without thinking? No, not at all. But I better take notice. I was tired, mentally and physically. I recognize this is not healthy behavior and need to re-evaluate why I was so hungry and didn't pay attention to what I put in my mouth.

Between that and today's pathetic workout. It's time for a rest. Tomorrow will be a day off. No walks, no short runs, no nothing. Except just playing with the kids. This is a short term solution. The long term solution will come in August when I head to a spa. This trip to Canyon Ranch in Miami is how I reboot.

Until then, I will take days when I recognize my behavior is not following the path of the best life that I envisioned.